Monday, October 30, 2006


It seems like the last guy I dated and myself are back to friendly terms. He has finally met his Mr. Chess and I am very happy for him. We're in such good terms that he has invited me to be a friend on 'their' myspace page.

I hesitated, of course, given the way how our relationship had ended. But seeing how both of them looked very happy and content, I had to oblige. I clicked 'approve'.

So 'R'... You really do deserve the best and his name is 'M'. May all your UPS and DOWNS be solely in the bedroom.


Sunday, October 29, 2006

Insert Foot

Well, I'm sure you're dying to know. About the job interview.

Short story: The ditsiest moment of my life.

Long story:

7:15. Woke up. Had plenty of time to shower, shave, piss, iron clothes, get dressed, and put goo in hair. Left Stockton around 8am. That's good right? Plenty of time, I thought. It usually took me 45 minutes to get to downtown Sacramento. Yeah, an hour sounds plausible. Nope, it took me more than an hour to get to my destination! I was getting nervous while driving through Laguna Blvd when all of a sudden the traffic slowed. Heck at one point, I was going 3 miles/hour!

Knowing I was going to be fucking late, I called the office where the interview was being held. I told them my name and was put immediately on hold. A few seconds later, the lady asked what was the purpose of my call. Again, I was put on hold. She asked for the interviewer's name, which was never given to me. This resulted with me being transferred several times. Nobody seemed to know. I'm thinking, "Great!" When the lady (I think she moonlights as Mrs. Obvious) pronounced she couldn't help me but suggests to get there fast. Sure! Let me get off the phone with you so I can open up my window and scream like a banshee with the hopes of the drivers ahead, mistaking me for an ambulance, would graciously part to each side of the freeway and let me through. Yeah, I'm fucked!

9:07. Good, I'm not too late. Not so fast. In my state of haste, it dawned on me that I had parked 5 blocks away! I thought about going back to my car, which was parked 7 floors up. Instead, I hauled ass! I was like a mad man. Dodging other people and jumping over obstacles, all the while expressing my apologies. I think I even said sorry to an empty park bench. After giving one driver one lone finger, the bitch almost clipped me, I stood where 'X' marked the spot. Showed my ID, rode the elevator. Checked my reflection. Not as crisp but not disheveled. Door opens. Sure enough, I got off the wrong floor.

9:37. Eventually found the right room and somehow had my interview re-scheduled 2 hours later.

11:17. The girl in the front desk asks if I was back for the interview (Mrs. Obvious turned out to be Ms. Duh). Fearing I might say something 'like, so rude', I nodded with agreement. Gave me three papers, each describing three different job duties. Instructed me to sit on a chair, read the job descriptions, wait to be called, and left by wishing me good luck. Hearing her say those words just made me feel guilty for the sarcastic words I meant to say to her and glad that I didn't.

11:27. I heard voices eminating from a door a few feet to my right. They were laughing. The door opens and a cute petite girl wearing a black angora sweater over a white collared shirt and khaki pants exits. Followed by a guy in a blue buttoned-up shirt, necktie, and dark pleated pants. The guy gave the girl directions on how to get to the elevator. Girl started walking, guy follows with his eyes firmly planted to her ass. Goes back inside. My heart sank and began thinking of a way to let them forget about her.

11:32. I got called in the room. It so happens that there were three people doing the interview. You could imagine my nervousness. Crap. Each one introduced themselves and their respective departments. Sounded very interesting. I could have understood more if it weren't the fact that the guy to my left had such beautiful blue green eyes. Yeah, the one that was staring the last interviewee's ass. I couldn't concentrate. Everytime he spoke, I looked directly into his eyes. And each time, I felt a little flushed. I could imagine the sight of me turning red. The interview was going well, I thought. Until the guy asked what was one of my weakness in my current employment. It went downhill from there.

Weakness. For crying out loud! I knew that one was coming. I even had a prepared statement for such a question. Battle ready, I would have said, "I am my own worse critic. I am never satisfied with my work no matter how everyone else perceives it as a job well done. I would always think up of better ways of doing things." But I never said any of those words. Immediately, I blanked out. I couldn't think of anything. Why now? Stop thinking about those damn eyes!

In my panic, all I said was, "Ummm, I don't know. Let me think..." DANGER WILL ROBINSON! "Ummm... Sta-ta-sta-Stapling?" HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM! "I really don't know!" The last came out almost like a whine.

Yeah, I'm screwed. I couldn't even begin to imagine what were going through their heads when they heard me say STAPLING!. I am such an idiot! It was such a traumatic experience that I couldn't remember what was said nor asked after. Except when returning to my car did I finally let out a scream.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Can't Sleep

It's 1:27am... And I'm still awake! It's one of those days that I should be sleeping. I can't help it. I'm too excited and nervous at the same time!

I have an interview tomorrow. Wait! I meant TODAY! In a few hours! I have to wake up at 7am. At least, so I can prepare. Not to mention that I'm on the verge of getting sick. Yeah, I could feel it coming. Heck, my nose is starting to clog up, my sinuses are acting up, I feel sluggish, and I'm warm to the touch. Needless to say, I'm pretty much fucked!

Oh well. I just hope my snot doesn't start dripping down my nose as I'm about to say something impressive.

Note to self: Bring hanky!!!

Monday, October 23, 2006

6 years later...

The last serious relationship I had was over six years ago. Brad, that was his name. I was 23, he was 46. I was madly in love with him. He filled something in me that was missing. I really thought he was the one. I didn't care that he was twice my age. I could give a fuck. He made me happy. He was the first one that made me realize a long term relationship was feasible. He was the reason why I stopped fucking around. He made me believe in monogamy. He changed my life forever.

It didn't last.

I found out he was cheating on me. Another Filipino guy. Apparently, he was a co-worker of his. To make matter worse, I ended up working with the guy.

One day, during lunch, I decided to go to Wendy's. Was walking up to the door, when I saw my new co-worker sitting by the glass wall a few feet from the entrance. I waved to him. Realizing that he wasn't alone, his lunchmate turned to look at me. It was Brad.

My heart fell to my stomach. I no longer felt hungry. But I was not about to show Brad how devastating the situation was for me. I opened the door and willed myself in the restaurant. My whole body was shaking that I had to grip the railing to keep me still. Upon receiving my order, I used up every once of determination not to go to their table or I might make a scene. I waited until I was at a red light before I let a tear come out.

At work, Mel asked me how I knew the guy he was with during lunch. I feigned innocence but then he told me that Brad told him. Not being able to get out of the situation, I told him that we were in a relationship. That we've broken up a few months ago. Mel, not fully aware, confirmed what I realized the moment I saw them. He was the other Filipino guy. He said that they started dating at such and such date. When they were both working at a feed store. Mel was a clerk, Brad was in accounting/finance.

I never told Mel that I was already in a 6 months relationship with Brad when they first met/dated. I was in too much of a shock. It's one thing to know that your boyfriend cheated on you, but to actually meet the other person? I wanted to tell him. I wanted to let him know that he's the fucking reason why I was fucking pissed at the world. But it would be unfair to solely put the blame on him. I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he never knew about me.

I often wonder what else Brad told him.

Five years later, I get in contact with the person who introduced me to Brad. Matt, he's a well-mannered, nice, pleasant, educated, and with good intentions kind of guy. I never was attracted to the guy. He's just someone that I had the chance to meet at a gay bar. It's a little disappointing that he didn't remember me. I kept driving the fact that he introduced me to Brad. When all of a sudden he remembers. He said, "Yeah, now I remember. Yep, you were dating Brad."

As an afterthought he added, "About the same time as Jonathan. This black dude that he was seeing. About the same time as you."

I know he didn't mean to be so callous. A person tend to spill everything out upon recollection of old memories stashed away. Like when you're in the closet trying to get that damn shirt you know you put away in the top shelf. When you pull it out, everything else comes crashing down.

No, he didn't mean to let it all out. It shouldn't bother me anyway. It's been six years!

So we casually talked about what we're doing. Mainly, what he's been up to these past few years. No, he hasn't heard from Brad for awhile now. We even decided to go to a movie and catch up. And so it is, we're going to the movies on Saturday. We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.

Then I cried.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Maybe Sometimes, You Got It Wrong, But It's All Right...

Corinne Bailey Rae

I love this song, her voice, her beauty. Gosh, she's so awesome.

My Theme Song for the moment.