Tuesday, November 23, 2004

GO! GrrrFRIEND!

I normally would try to avoid posting anything remotely political but I accidentally found this posting from another blog. The blogger's name is David. The site's name is Raging Rainbows. All I can say is that I couldn't have said it any better!


Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

* Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a good guy for Bush's daddy when he fought Iran then bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

* Trade with Cuba is wrong because that island country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

* The United States should get out of the United Nations. Our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

* A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing healthcare to all Americans is socialism.

* HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

* Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.

* A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

* You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

* What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

He thinks he wants to be a comedian

Click on the title! Once in a while, I will feature a site/blog that captivates me. This one definitely takes the cake. It reminds me of those "Deep Thoughts" on SNL a few years back. The guy is AWESOME! Keep up the Great work!

My Ass Is Turning Japanese, Ah!

I took my friend Laura out to dinner the other night for her birthday. I didn't go to her surprise party so it was a way of compensating for my absence. She was craving Japanese. Yum!

On the way to Coco Roo, we had small talk. Mainly about her just turning 35. Ofcourse, the great friend that I am shared my concerns over my impending 30th birthday. Which won't be in another 3 years (ok, less than 3 yet more than 2 years). She then gave me that look like she wanted to have her palm connect squarely to my face. I had to let my window down a bit because it was getting harder to see what's in front of me, she was steaming up the car! And the last thing I wanted was for people to think I was making out with a 35 year old lady when we get out of the car.

Note to self: Make sure not to go with Laura to a Japanese restaurant very hungry, ever again!

Boy, did we eat too much! I don't know what we were thinking but as soon as we sat down and eyed the menu, everything sounded great. Eventually, I ordered us both a bowl of miso soup (excellent!), a glass of zinfandel (I drank one, 2 glasses for her), and 6 different kinds of sushi rolls! How embarrassing! I thought the sushi rolls consisted only of 5 individual sushi! We both learned of our mistake when the waiter dropped off our food on our table. The plate looks like one of those buffet types, it was so humongous that it reached my edge of the table to hers. It felt like everyone was staring at us. And we ate it all! OH THE CARBS! THE CUTE WAITER THINKING THAT I'M A GLUTTON!

Oh well, at least Laura enjoyed the night! I did too! And thanks a lot Laura for letting me use your bathroom before I left. I thought I was going to have an accident!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Confessions of an Ex-Slut

'Cupid

WHATEVER!

Monday, November 08, 2004

To The Darkside...

I hate to admit this but I think I need to get laid. Why? Besides the fact that I've refrained from any sexual activities (well, except for the auto-erotica kind, no not in a car) for the past 4 years. It's just that lately, I've been catching myself pondering the idea of buying a special toy. No, not BOB, more like the stationary yet life-like kind. A friend of mine mentioned that the ones with suction cups works the best because you can enjoy 'IT' without the use of hands. Leaving you the opportunity to let your hands do what they do best. I feigned embarrassment when her words sunk in. It piqued my curiosity.

I checked what was available online. Good lord! Imagine my surprise when I realized that there were several kinds of you-know-what. There were plastic (mostly neon colored, I don't see why there's any reason they should color one day-glo green), glass (wtf? Why not just use a beer bottle?), metal (words seem to leave me), life-like (some can have foreskin, it can ejaculate, twirl, go up and down, and some can even expand), and a kit where you can make your own (don't ask). It was such an eye opener, so to speak. I even went as far as adding some to my wishlist. Then I deleted them.

I had the horrible foresight of the mailman accidentally opening my box and finding the monstrosity idly wiggling side to side. I also remembered stories of things getting stuck and having to go to the ER. I haven't received in a long while (my last ex was the catcher) that I doubted this would have happened. What is feasible is that I might try to sit on it and realize that my brown star would rather stay shut and not twinkle. Getting myself drunk before attempting (to loosen up, that is, my inhibitions) is out of the question, I might end up passing out while the whole thing is still in.

So, here I am. Still tight. Still have the mantra of not having anything fake go up my bum. And not sure if I feel better about it.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment! Finally I have one! Well technically, yours was the second but who's counting? My friends don't even move their fingers to type something (NOT EVEN A HELLO or YOU BITCH!) And I'm sure they are all literate. Hmmm...a couple maybe. Ha! Bastards!

Anyway, WOW, coming out while in high school must have been difficult. I can imagine the stupidity of those around you. I am most definitely impressed and envious of your bravery. Thinking back, I think I would never have the courage to come out. I was very much a wallflower, very asexual (On the outside. Inside, I was such a pervert! Hey, I was raised as a Catholic.) Besides, my thoughts on impressing the "cuties" back then was to make sure they knew I got A's on most of the tests/quizzes or spouting off the correct answers during class. Little did I know, I should have just started smoking pot (Too bad I never did acquire the taste for it.) Or joined a sports team. I wasn't delusional so I didn't.

So, who the flippin' freak are you? Didn't leave any name. I'm thinking you're probably a Scott or a Tony? Gawd forbid that you're a Brad!

BTW. You are now reading the posts of this year's Neighborcare's Halloween Costume Contest First Place Winner (for the second time running). **takes a bow**

Sigh. I'm so pathetic!