Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Ode to Fallen

Twinkle, Twinkle little brown star,
How I wonder how tight you really are.

Running away to save your grace,
Don't you know, it only takes six to home base?

Twinkle, Twinkle little brown star,
Sexual chocolate what a hot one you are!

MOMMA! (smack, smack) MOMMA (smack, smack)


I was just outside, admiring the night sky, when 'lo and behold I heard a noise. It was the trumpeting of a goose. A lone one. Kind of disturbing, since it sounded like the poor bastard was scared. Why was it flying, trumpeting so loudly late at night? Maybe he was searching for his flock. Or whatever you call a group of geese.

Reorienting myself, I was able to determine where he/she was headed to...north bound. No wonder! It's winter bud and you're going the wrong way! Maybe he/she left the others going south, cackling his way to a feeding hole just north of here that the other geese are not aware of. Or maybe, he was just goosed by something else and in his/her state went the wrong way.

We'll never know. I'm just glad that he/she didn't shit on me.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

My Military Story on PlanetOut.Com

Funny really. The first year I got out from the Army, I was online and stumbled upon Planetout's request to GLBT service members to share their military service. It was, as I recall, for their Memorial Day edition (I think). I thought, "Might as well." It's not like they were going to publish it online since I was sure there were others that would be more interesting than mine. And to my surprise, I received an email from them stating otherwise. They liked my story, were getting my consent, and possibly a picture. The rest, was online history. So now, I'm sharing it to you all. (I hope PlanetOut is not going to sue me for this)

Sex and Love in the Barracks (their title not mine)

My name is Jake F. I just got out of the military in August of last year (1999), after five years of service. I joined right after high school, since I didn't know what I wanted to do. All I knew was that I wanted to take a break from my studies, so I opted to enlist in the Army. I guess I also joined to prove to everybody and myself that I was a man. I always knew I was gay, but I had trouble dealing with it because I was raised in a Catholic family. The fact that people at school always picked on students they thought were queer also didn't help. So I kept my true self bottled within. Then I enlisted.

During the months of basic training in Missouri, I was oblivious to the men in my company. I never developed any lust or anything. I was too hyped -- adrenaline coursing through my veins the whole time. The only things concerning me were making sure I passed my physical fitness test and trying to ensure that my drill sergeant's attention wasn't directed at me. I had a great time. I felt like a true man, not having any thoughts about another man.

In my third year in the service, I finally let loose my emotions. I fell in love with my best friend at the time. He, too, was a soldier. We were both stationed in Germany. Being overseas, soldiers tend to get drunk almost every night. During one of those binges, things got out of hand. We started playing around, punching each other, like most drunk men do. Then we got rough and started wrestling on the floor. We ended up kissing one another. For the first time in my life, I had sexual intercourse. I was 20 years old. I was dumbfounded. Both of us were scared someone might suspect. We were so scared of the consequences that we eventually drifted apart, and not even a whisper was heard. I once again went into my shell.

When I got transferred to Ft. Bragg, NC, six months later, my urges resurfaced. One day, I found the courage to go to a local gay bar. It was called Spektrum-- or "Rectum," to the regulars. It was a meat market. I was so nervous being in there, only 10 minutes away from post, that I got myself drunk silly. I woke up the next day in some stranger's house. I became a regular. I went there all the time, with no official consequences. I met other soldiers -- enlisted, non-coms, and officers alike. Like me, they were gay and it didn't bother them that at any given time the MPs or even CID could come busting through the door. Inside the bar, we were ourselves. Outside, we were what we had to be-- men in uniform.

My last year in the service, I was no longer afraid of the outcome if any of my peers or superiors found out that I was gay. Little by little, I came out to my friends, and later to my coworkers. I can say this: I was truly accepted. None of them cared that I was gay. I was a hard worker and a good soldier. That was all that mattered to them. By the end, even my chain of command, in a way, protected me if someone from another unit suspected that I was gay. I feel ashamed of that now -- how they must have dodged those "witch hunts" for my head constantly. Heck, I was so out that I didn't care who heard me. Sometimes I would even act "queer" to make my coworkers laugh. I must admit that I abused that protection to the extreme. I've had bad times, but I could never forget about the good times. I had a great experience, and I would do it over again. I think I am one of the lucky ones who met a lot more people who are tolerant than people who are bigots. I joined to prove I was a man, and I did. And I am proud to be a gay man.

You can read the story on here.

Gays Who Hate Fags

For some odd reason, I've been chatting on aol's military m4m room lately. I find it disturbing that some hate other gays just because they go out and rally for our cause. Here they are, living freely (albeit privately) as a gay person and they're hating the so called gay militants for keeping the focus to our sexuality on a national level.


You would not be living the way you are right now if it weren't for that first dragqueen at Stonewall who decided enough was enough. I don't think I could ever be that brave going out there fighting for our rights. I feel bad enough that I don't do half as much as they do but to reap the benefits from their actions while hating them is just plain wrong. Those Flag Fags are doing it for everyone not just for themselves.

Why be gay in the first place? Understanding why masculine-straight acting-gays hates our more flamboyant brethren would only amount to disgust. Look at me! I'm a MAN! I'm not like that FAG! I don't swish or have a lisp! Etc. Big deal. You still like dick! Get over it! You are acting like a bigot. Why not celebrate our individuality and be gay however gay you want to be.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Breezed through

Nothing really happened this weekend. Except for the fact that I slept for more than 12 hours yesterday! Work was hell as usual! I can not believe how those nurses can be so mean! And to think that they're supposed to be caring for the residents! I wanted to pull one nurse's hair through the phone, she was so bitchy! But I had to keep a smile the whole so as to not let her hear me about to go postal. Be nice to the customer. Ugh!

Oh, Friday night, I was the hagfag. I went to Faces with four women. We had fun. I couldn't remember the last time I went. Must have been more than a year ago. It was also the first time I didn't care that the guys were prissy and so self-absorbed. I just had fun dancing with my female friends. Who, by the way, were the first in line to get free porn (gay) by the end of the night! I was hit on by this French guy, he was trying to have a small talk but I could not just make myself feel comfortable. He manages to BE lecherous without even trying. He probably thought I was another 'ugly american'. Little did he know. I hope that he'd gotten laid eventually, just not with me.

Lastly, the other day, I woke up with the sensation of flatulence. Then realized that something else wanted to get out. I made it just in time.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


me [6:58 PM]: ___ asks if you have been poked recently?
girlfriend [6:58 PM]: no none of that i am taking a year off
girlfriend [6:59 PM]: i have had enough of men and their issues
me [6:59 PM]: don't ask why she's asking
girlfriend [6:59 PM]: why not
me [6:59 PM]: she's on her weird moods
girlfriend [6:59 PM]: well we all have those
girlfriend [7:00 PM]: even you mister
me [7:00 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:02 PM]: we are not allowed to bring men back to our house. we can only date the same guy twice in one week and once we have dated that guy eight times he has to ask the (other friend) if he can date me again and vice versa
girlfriend [7:02 PM]: we also can't sleep with him
me [7:02 PM]: are you freaking kidding me?
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: no we figure it is a good way to weed out the guys who aren't serious
me [7:03 PM]: HMMMM
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: no oral sex either
me [7:03 PM]: umm you do realize that this conversation will be posted?
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: and it has to be a date none of this hey you want to hang out
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: WHAT
me [7:03 PM]: LMFAO
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: I DID NOT AGREE TO THAT
me [7:04 PM]: yeah! this is funny stuff!
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: whatever
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: i don't know if i want to continue this conversation
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: ;-)
me [7:04 PM]: LOL
me [7:04 PM]: nobody will know your name!
me [7:04 PM]: i'm just kidding!
me [7:04 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: you are such a butthead
me [7:05 PM]: can I atleast use the "no oral sex" either?
girlfriend [7:05 PM]: what does lmfao mean
girlfriend [7:05 PM]: yes you can use that line but thats it
girlfriend [7:06 PM]: so how are things on your man hunt
me [7:07 PM]: what man hunt
me [7:07 PM]: still 0, zip, nada
girlfriend [7:07 PM]: i feel ya
girlfriend [7:07 PM]: of course (other friend) has tones of men
me [7:07 PM]: skinny ass bitch! LOL
girlfriend [7:07 PM]: your telling me
me [7:08 PM]: wait, you didn't answer me, is your trainer cute? or is he a she?
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: i did answer you you nut
me [7:08 PM]: no you didn't
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: i said i have a girl on mon and fri but the guy on wed is cute
me [7:08 PM]: hmmmm
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: you would like him
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: wait my buzzer for dinner just went off be right back
me [7:08 PM]: you mean i would fantasize about him
girlfriend [7:09 PM]: k im back
girlfriend [7:09 PM]: k im back
me [7:10 PM]: i see ya

me [7:10 PM]: so what's for dinner

girlfriend [7:10 PM]: chicken courdon blue
girlfriend [7:10 PM]: i think i spelt that middle word wrong
me [7:10 PM]: cordon
me [7:11 PM]: cordon bleu not blue
me [7:11 PM]: oh well
girlfriend [7:11 PM]: i only bought it because the boys behind the counter were cute. it has mustard in it and i hate mustard but i am going to try it anyways
me [7:11 PM]: sandwich?
girlfriend [7:11 PM]: that s what i get for trying to flirt
me [7:11 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:11 PM]: no not a sandwich
me [7:12 PM]: trying? you did flirt!
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: it is a piece of chicken stuffed with cheese and ham and breaded on the outside
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: yes i flirted
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: hello you are talking to the flirt master
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: i am just not a good closer
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: LOL
me [7:12 PM]: i read it somewhere that the reason why some females are depressed is that they are missing semen. what i meant was that semen is like prozac
me [7:13 PM]: fucking crazy huh?
girlfriend [7:13 PM]: yeah well i had prozac and semen and neither of them made me very happy well maybe the prozac did
girlfriend [7:13 PM]: you are such a shit
me [7:14 PM]: probably some hetero guy wanting to give an excuse to his girlfriend to swallow!

girlfriend [7:14 PM]: wait again the buzzer went off
me [7:14 PM]: k
girlfriend [7:15 PM]: yeah most likely
me [7:15 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:16 PM]: hey well i am going to get going i feel like watching a sappy move and that is what i am going to do I will talk to you later.
me [7:16 PM]: k later
girlfriend [7:16 PM]: love you lots you sexy stud muffin
girlfriend signed off at 7:16 PM
me [7:16 PM]: LOL likewise

*Name of friend withheld to protect what's left of their dignity.
*Blogger is utterly retched for posting this conversation.
*Blogger posted it anyway.
*Blogger will OWE a really really nice and expensive dinner to friend!

Gay Rumor Mill/"The Nile is not only a river."

"According to the Herald report, Thorpe told ABC Radio in 2002 that he was 'a little bit different to what most people would consider being an Australian male. (But) That doesn't make me gay.' "

A little snippet of news. Sounded interesting. Gives a new meaning to Thorpedo. But for crying out loud, leave the man alone already!

read the whole article Thorpe Denies He's Gay

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


"...No one wants to be thought of as a whore anymore."
--says Sean, 25, a waiter (taken from Instinct, Sept 2004. the death of the one-night stand by Mike Shea. pg 50)

Which leads me to believe that there was a time it was fashionable to be a whore. Do you read this Daniel?

"Ideally, one should carefully look at a penis before sticking it in one's mouth."
--Dr. Jeffrey KLausner (ibid)

Umm, what about smelling it as well?

The Case of the Ripper

I just got off from work and I decided to finally read the recent Instinct magazine, September 2004 issue, which I bought last Saturday. I couldn't wait to peruse it's contents. It looked very promising. On the cover was the sexy Adrian Armas, scene stealing actor of Showboy. Another bonus was that of Antonio Sabato, Jr's pictorial. Very promising indeed.


  • Beverage--Iced tea (no sugar)
  • Snack--Cashew nuts
  • CD--Songbird by Eva Cassidy
  • Lighting--Bedside lamp
  • Attire--Cotton PJ (just the bottom and no undies)
  • Misc--Lube and Tissue (just in case)

And I was ready to go!


Someone, actually, some BITCH tore off the pages 57-70! And kidnapped my Antonio pictures! Unbelievable! Why couldn't they just had pilfered the whole damn magazine! Why damage a perfectly good magazine knowing someone will be stupid enough not to browse through the magazine making sure all of the pages were intact? And to know that I was that stupid person!

My night is ruined! Adrian is cute and all but he's no Antonio. Besides, Adrian's freaky hairy nipples distract me from fantasizing about how he would feel on top of me. Spiders crawling on my chest comes to mind!


Now I have no excuse but to read the articles!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Brandon's Curiosity

Brandon wanted to hear about my "coke/beer can" story. I didn't tell him. Kurt did. He was grossed out. Oh, well! He also stated that it was the second grossest thing he's ever heard. I guess my "TP" story is tops.
I can't freaking sleep! Ugh! Ended up being imed by one of my friends. He sounded gloom. I hate it when he gets this weird. Started talking about why he's back 'here'. So I said that "Stockton is a blackhole. It sucks you right back in." I was corrected, he meant 'this world'. My bad! So I jokingly/sarcastically typed back 'What? You'd rather be in Uranus? I heard it's still freaking freezing over there!"

His reply: "Know you not the difference between worlds and planets?"

Mine: "Know you not the term SARCASM?"

I think that pissed him off. Thinking back on it, maybe I shouldn't have poked the bear. Especially one who posts a pic on laying down clutching a shotgun to his chest.

Note: Get said friend a white jacket for Christmas.

Maybe I should ask him to get a prescription for haldol. Or maybe even a mild sedative. One doesn't take it lightly when someone asks you to get an Rx for an anti-psychotic drug. Maybe he needs to get laid.

Speaking of getting laid...A few more months and I'm going to pass my 4th year anniversary of not getting any. In truth, I can't even remember the details the last time I had sex. All I can recall was that I didn't even cum. My ex did, twice in fact. Selfish bastard! He wanted me to f*ck him without a rubber that time. Thank goodness I didn't give in.

I wonder what he's doing right now. More than likely, on his back.

Penis Troubles

Like all gay men, I like penis. And unlike heterosexual men, having one (your own) is never enough. I, along with all my gay brethren, have to have another. I'm not greedy. I just want one and a guy that comes along with it. But I am picky. Mind you, I'm not a size queen. Not in the traditional way, far from it. Size and shape are definitely important and I do have my preferences.

I have the fear of extremely large penises. While they're great to look at, the idea of what damage it can do gives me the chills. I like the idea of still keeping my vocal cords and lower intestines intact. That includes anything that I can't grip with one hand comfortably is totally out of the question. I like my anus to retain it's virginal qualities. Need I care to mention the lock jaw? I know that it's inevitable from time to time but a lock jaw from one ridiculously thick penis is extremely painful. And I have learned my lesson well.

Once while in a drunken haze, I greedily obliged to a guy's incessant moans and pleas of me giving him fellatio and that of mounting me. I gave in because I was extremely horny and accepted the idea that I might not get it up on account to my blood was so thin because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I should have passed out when I saw his monster. It was so long and thick that the first thing that came to mind was a baseball bat. I should have ran but it's immense size held me captive. I felt like I was in the presence of the supernatural. I was in awe. I was awaken from my stupor when my face was slapped with that thing!

I don't know what I was thinking when I dove in. The head itself was difficult for my mouth to encompass. The foolish soldier in me kept urging me on. I was not about to let an appendage beat me! No Pain No Gain! HOOAH! It wouldn't budge! I finally gave up the idea of deepthroating when I can only sustain 1/4 of it's length for fear of cutting my air flow. My brain was probably injured because we proceeded into playing 'hide the bat in a wallet'. We used 3/4 of a bottle of lube and what seemed like an hour before the thing finally went in. The horror! I was determined to stay awake the whole time. Fearing that if I do pass out, I would wake finding that my anal sphincter was now my mouth, literally!

Thank goodness the ordeal lasted only 3 minutes. Those measly minutes resulted in my bleeding for 3 days. My ass was so sore that even taking a dump required pain killers and a prayer said through clenched teeth. And for awhile, all I could eat were soup and soft foods. Chewing was out of the question. There I was, my colon rearranged, hurting like hell and I couldn't even complain about it!


I also don't like penises that curved extremely to the right, to the left, or bending backwards like it's head is too heavy for the shaft to hold even when erect. Do I have to even explain? No, I like my penises straight or slightly curving up. I'm fine with where my colon and intestines are situated right now. That's why I'm versatile. I have a back up plan when I'm faced with a situation involving uber penises.

Ofcourse, if I find that Mr. Right has the said type of penises...I just have to suck it up and drive on. I might as well practice unhinging my jaw and buy that butt-donut-thing (the one full of air) and master sign language. Or maybe con him in being the hole in our relationship.

Time will only tell. Besides, I like the idea of relaxing and having my feet pointing to the ceiling every now and then.

I was born. I came out. I started a blog.

Testes 1 2 3...

This should be fun. I wonder what kind of crap I'll end up with once I get started. I guess we'll just wait and see.

Here we go...