Tuesday, December 28, 2004

You remember the song...
'They're playing songs of Love. But not for me...'
It seems like everyone else is pairing up or getting married. Just yesterday, my friend Flea announced her engagement to James. She was giddy as heck and smiling so much you'd think she just had her teeth whitened. I'm so happy for her! She got what she wanted for Christmas. Then right away, I was told that I was going to be in her wedding.


This will be my third! (Ok, technically, I haven't been part of a wedding, YET!) My friend Jodi asked me to do her wedding (as in be the minister). Whenever that will be. I'm supposed to be my brother's best man, that's next year (ok it's Jan 2006). And now Flea! According to an old wives' tale, 3 times a bride's maid never a bride! Maybe it only pertain to bitter bitches with pink tacos (eww) hence the "maid" part. I certainly hope so. I DON'T WANT TO BE A DIRTY OLD MAN! Ok, Breathe...!!!

I almost forgot, I'm already married. I wonder how she's doing?

Saturday, December 25, 2004





And as promised to the one that gave me the invite to gmail. I am now eligible to give invitations to join GMail. My gift to whomever. Just email me. If I still have invitations left, I will send you one. First come, first serve!

Friday, December 17, 2004

Playing for the Wrong Team: Who We Are

Wow! I am at a lost for words. After reading this, I felt like I was Renee Zellweger to Tom Cruise's in "Jerry Maguire". It felt like I was reading a mission statement. It was profound!

How can someone younger than me sound so much more mature? I am humbled and yet envious! I knew it! From the start when I happen to stumble upon this little gem of a blog, that the blogger (Charlie Williams) has something deep and meaningful to say. With each post, his thought provoking sentiments are easily absorbed making me wanting more. All of them, eloquently shared. Simply written yet overflowing with intelligence and empathy.

Wow! I just hope I will never disappoint the little bugger.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Underwear Follies

The other day I decided to venture out and buy myself some underwear. I don't particularly need new ones since I have plenty and they're all still pretty much wearable. For some odd reason, I tend to wear out my undies only on the spot between my scrotum and my little brown star. I forgot what it's called but I'm sure someone will enlighten me.

But I digress...I'm a boxers kinda man. I have been ever since I joined the military. We were issued tighty-brownies. I guess, they were brown for a reason. It gives the illusion of being clean after being worn for several days when out in a field environment. So who would know that they're dirty, unless ofcourse one would take a whiff. Sadly, I'm sure some of my gay comrades who were into such a thing would have been in a state of euphoria. Umm...Yuck! I've been trying to avoid anything tight since then. Except ofcourse, the occasional orifice. (Pardon my French!) For years, all I have bought were boxers. So the other night, I thought why not try a different kind. Being that it was 2 o'clock in the morning, the only store that was open was Walmart.

Thankfully, hardly anyone was there. Except for a few workers who were stocking the shelves and whatnot. Now a days, I get pretty much embarrassed when buying underwear. The package they come in. And I do mean PACKAGE (Semi naked men posing in the underwear they're trying to sell. One would think that you're at a gay porn store. Must be the marketing genius of a gay man. I mean think about it!) Not to mention, it was the wee hours. And I am susceptible to having woodies at that time of day. Ugh!

So there I was, browsing, when I felt the sensation (what do you expect!) as I was looking at boxer briefs then at bikinis, then back at boxer briefs, then at trunks. What? A thong! And someone, I mean something that looks like it's only a pouch that makes a bulge more pronounced. Wait! There's a leopard print tighty something with green eyes. I mean...OMG...I felt another sensation...This time of someone watching. It was this old lady wearing a walmart vest staring at me through her glasses.

Needless to say, I grabbed the first pack (boxer briefs) I could lay a hand on and hauled ass out of there. When I got home, I realized that I mistakenly taken size XXL, 4 sizes too big! And it didn't have any pictures! Damn heck would I go back and get an exchange. Instead, I've worn them. They're like regular boxer shorts, only that when I walk, they tend to fall down my ass.

Next time, I'm just going to stick with boxers (no pictures). Or just buy them from the internet.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Another Man's Meat

Doesn't that title sound so...nasty? It's something that you would expect from me, a gay man and a pervert. That title just makes me feel so giddy and umm...ok aroused quite a bit. So when I saw it as the title of a Blog while surfing under Blog Explosion , something in me (more like an extension) twitched! I thought, "Wow, someone duped BE!"

Well, it seemed like I was the one that's duped! I mean, ok, the Blogger seems nice. He even writes well. Let's just say that I was very disappointed. Bugger!

Monday, December 06, 2004

What a Pity

One of my pet peeves is when people think I'm stupid. Especially with closeted gay men that when they're caught red handed, still try to pass off as "not-gay". My Ass!

Now, I don't really care if you're not out. It just means that you're not confident with the people around/close to you. That is your problem and not mine. I've been there so I know what is going through your head. But the difference between us is: when confronted I don't lie about myself. Yet, I'm not one to blab about someone else's personal life. So it's infuriating to me that you think I would do so otherwise by trying to disguise your intent.

I got it when he said "Don't tell anyone that you saw me here tonight." He didn't have to pretend checking out a girl dancing while his so called "friend" was cupping his ass. (And yes, I saw that.) I don't know if I should feel sorry for him or the "friend". What was he thinking when he took his "friend's" hand away from his back pocket while shaking his head and whispering? Not here? In a gay bar? Dude chill out! After that, the "friend" was obviously hurt and was depressed for the rest of the night. Gawd forbid, I hope the "friend" didn't think I was trying to steal his "not-gay" boyfriend. Thus, the cupping and caressing of the ass cheek was done. Well, the brush off would have definitely ticked off the "friend" more if it was about guarding his "not-territory".

Atleast, it seems like I wasn't the only one who didn't have sex that night. LOL

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


I normally would try to avoid posting anything remotely political but I accidentally found this posting from another blog. The blogger's name is David. The site's name is Raging Rainbows. All I can say is that I couldn't have said it any better!

Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

* Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a good guy for Bush's daddy when he fought Iran then bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

* Trade with Cuba is wrong because that island country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

* The United States should get out of the United Nations. Our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

* A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing healthcare to all Americans is socialism.

* HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

* Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.

* A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

* You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

* What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

He thinks he wants to be a comedian

Click on the title! Once in a while, I will feature a site/blog that captivates me. This one definitely takes the cake. It reminds me of those "Deep Thoughts" on SNL a few years back. The guy is AWESOME! Keep up the Great work!

My Ass Is Turning Japanese, Ah!

I took my friend Laura out to dinner the other night for her birthday. I didn't go to her surprise party so it was a way of compensating for my absence. She was craving Japanese. Yum!

On the way to Coco Roo, we had small talk. Mainly about her just turning 35. Ofcourse, the great friend that I am shared my concerns over my impending 30th birthday. Which won't be in another 3 years (ok, less than 3 yet more than 2 years). She then gave me that look like she wanted to have her palm connect squarely to my face. I had to let my window down a bit because it was getting harder to see what's in front of me, she was steaming up the car! And the last thing I wanted was for people to think I was making out with a 35 year old lady when we get out of the car.

Note to self: Make sure not to go with Laura to a Japanese restaurant very hungry, ever again!

Boy, did we eat too much! I don't know what we were thinking but as soon as we sat down and eyed the menu, everything sounded great. Eventually, I ordered us both a bowl of miso soup (excellent!), a glass of zinfandel (I drank one, 2 glasses for her), and 6 different kinds of sushi rolls! How embarrassing! I thought the sushi rolls consisted only of 5 individual sushi! We both learned of our mistake when the waiter dropped off our food on our table. The plate looks like one of those buffet types, it was so humongous that it reached my edge of the table to hers. It felt like everyone was staring at us. And we ate it all! OH THE CARBS! THE CUTE WAITER THINKING THAT I'M A GLUTTON!

Oh well, at least Laura enjoyed the night! I did too! And thanks a lot Laura for letting me use your bathroom before I left. I thought I was going to have an accident!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Confessions of an Ex-Slut



Monday, November 08, 2004

To The Darkside...

I hate to admit this but I think I need to get laid. Why? Besides the fact that I've refrained from any sexual activities (well, except for the auto-erotica kind, no not in a car) for the past 4 years. It's just that lately, I've been catching myself pondering the idea of buying a special toy. No, not BOB, more like the stationary yet life-like kind. A friend of mine mentioned that the ones with suction cups works the best because you can enjoy 'IT' without the use of hands. Leaving you the opportunity to let your hands do what they do best. I feigned embarrassment when her words sunk in. It piqued my curiosity.

I checked what was available online. Good lord! Imagine my surprise when I realized that there were several kinds of you-know-what. There were plastic (mostly neon colored, I don't see why there's any reason they should color one day-glo green), glass (wtf? Why not just use a beer bottle?), metal (words seem to leave me), life-like (some can have foreskin, it can ejaculate, twirl, go up and down, and some can even expand), and a kit where you can make your own (don't ask). It was such an eye opener, so to speak. I even went as far as adding some to my wishlist. Then I deleted them.

I had the horrible foresight of the mailman accidentally opening my box and finding the monstrosity idly wiggling side to side. I also remembered stories of things getting stuck and having to go to the ER. I haven't received in a long while (my last ex was the catcher) that I doubted this would have happened. What is feasible is that I might try to sit on it and realize that my brown star would rather stay shut and not twinkle. Getting myself drunk before attempting (to loosen up, that is, my inhibitions) is out of the question, I might end up passing out while the whole thing is still in.

So, here I am. Still tight. Still have the mantra of not having anything fake go up my bum. And not sure if I feel better about it.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment! Finally I have one! Well technically, yours was the second but who's counting? My friends don't even move their fingers to type something (NOT EVEN A HELLO or YOU BITCH!) And I'm sure they are all literate. Hmmm...a couple maybe. Ha! Bastards!

Anyway, WOW, coming out while in high school must have been difficult. I can imagine the stupidity of those around you. I am most definitely impressed and envious of your bravery. Thinking back, I think I would never have the courage to come out. I was very much a wallflower, very asexual (On the outside. Inside, I was such a pervert! Hey, I was raised as a Catholic.) Besides, my thoughts on impressing the "cuties" back then was to make sure they knew I got A's on most of the tests/quizzes or spouting off the correct answers during class. Little did I know, I should have just started smoking pot (Too bad I never did acquire the taste for it.) Or joined a sports team. I wasn't delusional so I didn't.

So, who the flippin' freak are you? Didn't leave any name. I'm thinking you're probably a Scott or a Tony? Gawd forbid that you're a Brad!

BTW. You are now reading the posts of this year's Neighborcare's Halloween Costume Contest First Place Winner (for the second time running). **takes a bow**

Sigh. I'm so pathetic!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Just Wondering

I came out to my parents when I was 21 years old and was enlisted in the Army. In fact, unbeknownst to me, I came out around the time Matthew Shepard was murdered. I found out, about Matthew, when my mother told me to be careful because of recent events. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought about it for sometime and weighed the consequences. I decided that pretending to be someone who I am not, was no longer an option. I felt that it was something I had to do.

The first person I told was the wife of one of my sergeant's. I didn't have any choice. She walked in on my very first homosexual tryst. At the time, we were having a party at her apartment. I was stationed in Schweinefurt, Germany and every time there was alcohol involved, it meant that everyone got trashed. This time was no exception. Things started getting out of hand. Someone had the bright idea of playing 'Truth or Dare'. Let me tell you, by the end of the night, I was horny like I was never ever been as horny. My best friend (at the time) and I decided to stay the night. I had the floor and he had the couch. I can't recall how things got started, all I remember was that both of us were on the floor. Pants were off and oddly enough, our shirts were still on! Lips to lips, mouth on skin, tongue on chest, teeth on nipples, and then to the most mind boggling 69. My first ever!

Then the most terrifying moment of my life happened. Amid a break to take a breather (I was not used to breathing through my nose while something was in my mouth), I turned my head and there I saw my friend's 7 year old kid looking straight at us crying out loud looking for his mommy! I heard a sudden choke and felt my buddy go limp on top of me. I followed suit. For what it seemed a long time, the kid was staring at us. What he saw was two guys with no pants, one was sleeping on top of the other, while the other with his eyes closed trying desperately to cover and move the other's weewee away from his mouth/face. Then I heard my friend's (the wife) voice comforting her child. Some silence, a long one, then footsteps. She saw us, without a doubt. She had the graciousness on pretending that she didn't but I confessed anyway.

Little by little, I started coming out to my Army friends. I didn't have any problems. I can only think of 2 people acting differently afterwards but never any harmful things. Now a day, it is easier for homosexuals to come out. It is now common that younger and younger gay men and women come out to their family, friends, and to everyone else. The attitude towards homosexuals have changed the last few years to somewhat of a benign acknowledgement. Not full acceptance, but ok enough to come out of the closet .

So I wonder why some don't come out until they're older. Are they waiting for their kids to get older? Are they waiting for their parents to pass on? Have they not accepted their own persons? I don't know. I'm sure some have a valid reason. But what is the catalyst? Why do some gay men come out during their later years?

I suspect because that's when they have their first prostate exam. I mean come on! They've been depriving themselves and then all of a sudden some sterile gloved finger goes up in their you know what! Boom! Finds out (well, kind of) what they were missing! No wonder most men pass out and some even ejaculate. Don't believe me, just go ask a doctor!

I'm just being stupid. But hey, what do you think?

Thursday, October 14, 2004

My Type

I tend to like geeks. Sure I also like men on the 'gay stream' side but they're only for eye candy and fantasy fodder. Dorky guys are so cute. I just don't like dancing with them. They tend to flail their arms everywhere. Other than that, I think a dorky guy would be a perfect match for me. They're sensitive enough, intelligent, self concious, funny in an innocent kind of way, loyal, and so many other things narcicisstic gay guys aren't.

I just can't seem to find the right one. Right now, I find this one guy very attractive. Biggest dork I've ever met. So what if I've spoken to him more than I've seen him face to face. Actually, only met him once, two years ago. And so what if he's straight. His best friend says so (with whom I met through). Oh we're only talking dirty to each other over the phone just for shits and giggles. He's very damn great doing it! His friend, happens to be a co-worker of mine, also mentioned something about a time in the back seat of a car involving DFPBB (Dog Faced Poo Butt Bitch© KH. AKA the guy I'm attracted to) and a lady (if one can call her that) lacking front teeth. Apparently, it is with benefit to DFPBB © KH that lady-with-no-front-teeth has none.

I, who was known as HOOVER, can do better! Regardless if the lack of front canines sounds enticing to some (I am well aware of the incentives) I am very much an expert. The thought of the lady-with-no-front-teeth asking him if it was good for him (in a sexy way) after the deed gives me the chills. I wonder if she even smiled?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I am, therefore I date

I just recently found this blog. This cracked me up big time! I like the way she writes. The bitch! LOL Anyway, enjoy it as much as I did.

It better not be Duncan whom she calls 'Pop Star'!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


I'm sick! My nose is so clogged up that I have to breathe through my mouth. Not to mention the aches and pains. My whole body is so sore that it feels like I've ran with my ruck sack for 12 miles. I just want to go to sleep but I can't coz I'm afraid I might choke on my phlegm. Which tends to ooze out of my nares if I inhale from the mouth for far too long of a period. I'm so grossed out! Worse than the time when I felt a piece of tissue paper on my tongue after rimming one guy's ass.

I'm also bloated as heck right now. I've been drinking fluids all day long yet still my piss comes out yellow. WTF! I'm such a pansy ass when I get this sick. I know I'm gonna get worse tomorrow since I worked today and probably again tomorrow. I hate calling in sick. I feel like if I do, people would just say that I was acting up. So I go to work, if they get sick on account of me not calling in, serves them right for the possibility of thinking that I was maybe pretending.

I think I'm going nuts! Must be the liquor that I just downed to help me go to sleep. I need some pampering! Like someone would ever! The saddest part is I'm hecka horny! Go figure...

Incidentally, I took one of those silly 'what type of gay are you' quizes and this was my response...

You Are The Suave Gay Man

What Type Of Gay Man Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I guess there is some truth to it!

Yep, must be the liquor!

FYI Don't have hot and sour soup when you're sick. JUST TRUST ME!

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Poo Shy?

I've been known to "drop the kids off the pool" quite so often during the day. It's very unusual for me not to do it at least twice a day. It's probably because of my diet. I eat a lot of crappy food that it makes me, well, crap all the time.

One of my co-workers is disturb of my candidness whenever I do my sitting. She's the type that would hold it in until she gets home. Never mind the fact that we have bathrooms that can only occupy a person at a time. She also states that she won't poop at home unless she was utterly alone. She's embarrassed with the idea of someone walking in after her thus smelling the evidence. I feel she might have a chance of getting an impacted bowel one of these days.

That's why I announce my intent; to warn the folks thinking of going after my wake to wait awhile until the area clears. If they don't, it's their own fault. They just have to suck it up and smell my little babies.

Although, it is another story when it comes to public restrooms. I get performance anxiety whenever I know someone is just over the next stall. For some odd reason, I get nervous. And when I get nervous, the louder it gets. I tell you, boy is it hard to hold one's own pent up gas! It's one thing for people to think they know what you're doing than to flat out announce and confirm their suspicions. I envy the bastards who don't care for shit what others think. They're the ones who just let it all out and often accompany it with moans.

There is only one place and time where I draw the line when it comes to pooping. That is when drunk people are milling about. They're loud, obnoxious, inebriated, and would definitely voice their opinions when someone's dropping noxious turds. Not to mention a propensity to announce to their friends (often within earshot of others) that the guy/girl that just got out of the bathroom stank up the loo with poo.

That's why the other night, I took my friend's car keys and hauled ass to the nearest gas station.

Check this out: LINK

Friday, October 01, 2004


At one point of a gay man or woman's life they eventually would be asked: Why? Why are you gay? (Second would be: Are you a Top or a Bottom? But that's another discussion.) To a heterosexual, it's perfectly natural to ask this question. They are, after all, humans like us homosexuals. And humans are very curious about things they don't know. Even though some are more open minded than others.

The first time I was asked that question, I was caught off guard. My defense mode kicked in and I answered, "Because I love Penis!" Knowing that if I answered it in a blunt and perverse manner, the query would be dropped. It worked. But upon further contemplation, I realized I was not satisfied with my answer. It sounded shallow.

Awhile back, I asked my mom why she thought I was gay. Her immediate response was, "Go blame your dad!" Then citing an incident when my dad was in Seminary (For you folks who don't know, it's where priests go to school). Get this! My mom equates my being gay because my dad was hit on by one of the priests in the Seminary. Interestingly enough, when I came out to my parents, my dad wanted me to talk to a priest. Maybe to get some pointers?

Later on, I found out that prior to my birth, my parents have already decided a name for me: Leonora June. Leonora is my mother's name but June? I was born in February! For weeks, I badgered my mom to explain. She only relented when I made the threat of revealing my homosexual desires to all our relations. According to her, the Chinese calendar and where I was positioned in the womb ( an old folklore) suggested that I was supposed to be a girl. Hence the female namesake. Then they had me. That must explain why on my 1st birthday, I was photographed having long curls clipped to one side of my head. To this day, she still insist that it was because my hair was too long that it covered my face. It just so happens that there were pink ribbons lying about. How convenient.

There you have it, I'm gay because:
A.) My dad was almost molested by a priest.
B.) According to all the signs: the Chinese calendar and my position in the womb that I'm a girl.
C.) Photographed with long curly locks pinned with pink ribbons. (I did look cute)
D.) And the Gay Gene. It seems that my mother's side of the family spits out more gay relatives than a rabbit in heat! (sorry I can't name names)

So now, if someone asks me, Why? I'll just say, "I love Dick!" and hope they won't ask anymore questions.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Ode to Fallen

Twinkle, Twinkle little brown star,
How I wonder how tight you really are.

Running away to save your grace,
Don't you know, it only takes six to home base?

Twinkle, Twinkle little brown star,
Sexual chocolate what a hot one you are!

MOMMA! (smack, smack) MOMMA (smack, smack)


I was just outside, admiring the night sky, when 'lo and behold I heard a noise. It was the trumpeting of a goose. A lone one. Kind of disturbing, since it sounded like the poor bastard was scared. Why was it flying, trumpeting so loudly late at night? Maybe he was searching for his flock. Or whatever you call a group of geese.

Reorienting myself, I was able to determine where he/she was headed to...north bound. No wonder! It's winter bud and you're going the wrong way! Maybe he/she left the others going south, cackling his way to a feeding hole just north of here that the other geese are not aware of. Or maybe, he was just goosed by something else and in his/her state went the wrong way.

We'll never know. I'm just glad that he/she didn't shit on me.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

My Military Story on PlanetOut.Com

Funny really. The first year I got out from the Army, I was online and stumbled upon Planetout's request to GLBT service members to share their military service. It was, as I recall, for their Memorial Day edition (I think). I thought, "Might as well." It's not like they were going to publish it online since I was sure there were others that would be more interesting than mine. And to my surprise, I received an email from them stating otherwise. They liked my story, were getting my consent, and possibly a picture. The rest, was online history. So now, I'm sharing it to you all. (I hope PlanetOut is not going to sue me for this)

Sex and Love in the Barracks (their title not mine)

My name is Jake F. I just got out of the military in August of last year (1999), after five years of service. I joined right after high school, since I didn't know what I wanted to do. All I knew was that I wanted to take a break from my studies, so I opted to enlist in the Army. I guess I also joined to prove to everybody and myself that I was a man. I always knew I was gay, but I had trouble dealing with it because I was raised in a Catholic family. The fact that people at school always picked on students they thought were queer also didn't help. So I kept my true self bottled within. Then I enlisted.

During the months of basic training in Missouri, I was oblivious to the men in my company. I never developed any lust or anything. I was too hyped -- adrenaline coursing through my veins the whole time. The only things concerning me were making sure I passed my physical fitness test and trying to ensure that my drill sergeant's attention wasn't directed at me. I had a great time. I felt like a true man, not having any thoughts about another man.

In my third year in the service, I finally let loose my emotions. I fell in love with my best friend at the time. He, too, was a soldier. We were both stationed in Germany. Being overseas, soldiers tend to get drunk almost every night. During one of those binges, things got out of hand. We started playing around, punching each other, like most drunk men do. Then we got rough and started wrestling on the floor. We ended up kissing one another. For the first time in my life, I had sexual intercourse. I was 20 years old. I was dumbfounded. Both of us were scared someone might suspect. We were so scared of the consequences that we eventually drifted apart, and not even a whisper was heard. I once again went into my shell.

When I got transferred to Ft. Bragg, NC, six months later, my urges resurfaced. One day, I found the courage to go to a local gay bar. It was called Spektrum-- or "Rectum," to the regulars. It was a meat market. I was so nervous being in there, only 10 minutes away from post, that I got myself drunk silly. I woke up the next day in some stranger's house. I became a regular. I went there all the time, with no official consequences. I met other soldiers -- enlisted, non-coms, and officers alike. Like me, they were gay and it didn't bother them that at any given time the MPs or even CID could come busting through the door. Inside the bar, we were ourselves. Outside, we were what we had to be-- men in uniform.

My last year in the service, I was no longer afraid of the outcome if any of my peers or superiors found out that I was gay. Little by little, I came out to my friends, and later to my coworkers. I can say this: I was truly accepted. None of them cared that I was gay. I was a hard worker and a good soldier. That was all that mattered to them. By the end, even my chain of command, in a way, protected me if someone from another unit suspected that I was gay. I feel ashamed of that now -- how they must have dodged those "witch hunts" for my head constantly. Heck, I was so out that I didn't care who heard me. Sometimes I would even act "queer" to make my coworkers laugh. I must admit that I abused that protection to the extreme. I've had bad times, but I could never forget about the good times. I had a great experience, and I would do it over again. I think I am one of the lucky ones who met a lot more people who are tolerant than people who are bigots. I joined to prove I was a man, and I did. And I am proud to be a gay man.

You can read the story on planetout.com here.

Gays Who Hate Fags

For some odd reason, I've been chatting on aol's military m4m room lately. I find it disturbing that some hate other gays just because they go out and rally for our cause. Here they are, living freely (albeit privately) as a gay person and they're hating the so called gay militants for keeping the focus to our sexuality on a national level.


You would not be living the way you are right now if it weren't for that first dragqueen at Stonewall who decided enough was enough. I don't think I could ever be that brave going out there fighting for our rights. I feel bad enough that I don't do half as much as they do but to reap the benefits from their actions while hating them is just plain wrong. Those Flag Fags are doing it for everyone not just for themselves.

Why be gay in the first place? Understanding why masculine-straight acting-gays hates our more flamboyant brethren would only amount to disgust. Look at me! I'm a MAN! I'm not like that FAG! I don't swish or have a lisp! Etc. Big deal. You still like dick! Get over it! You are acting like a bigot. Why not celebrate our individuality and be gay however gay you want to be.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Breezed through

Nothing really happened this weekend. Except for the fact that I slept for more than 12 hours yesterday! Work was hell as usual! I can not believe how those nurses can be so mean! And to think that they're supposed to be caring for the residents! I wanted to pull one nurse's hair through the phone, she was so bitchy! But I had to keep a smile the whole so as to not let her hear me about to go postal. Be nice to the customer. Ugh!

Oh, Friday night, I was the hagfag. I went to Faces with four women. We had fun. I couldn't remember the last time I went. Must have been more than a year ago. It was also the first time I didn't care that the guys were prissy and so self-absorbed. I just had fun dancing with my female friends. Who, by the way, were the first in line to get free porn (gay) by the end of the night! I was hit on by this French guy, he was trying to have a small talk but I could not just make myself feel comfortable. He manages to BE lecherous without even trying. He probably thought I was another 'ugly american'. Little did he know. I hope that he'd gotten laid eventually, just not with me.

Lastly, the other day, I woke up with the sensation of flatulence. Then realized that something else wanted to get out. I made it just in time.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


me [6:58 PM]: ___ asks if you have been poked recently?
girlfriend [6:58 PM]: no none of that i am taking a year off
girlfriend [6:59 PM]: i have had enough of men and their issues
me [6:59 PM]: don't ask why she's asking
girlfriend [6:59 PM]: why not
me [6:59 PM]: she's on her weird moods
girlfriend [6:59 PM]: well we all have those
girlfriend [7:00 PM]: even you mister
me [7:00 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:02 PM]: we are not allowed to bring men back to our house. we can only date the same guy twice in one week and once we have dated that guy eight times he has to ask the (other friend) if he can date me again and vice versa
girlfriend [7:02 PM]: we also can't sleep with him
me [7:02 PM]: are you freaking kidding me?
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: no we figure it is a good way to weed out the guys who aren't serious
me [7:03 PM]: HMMMM
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: no oral sex either
me [7:03 PM]: umm you do realize that this conversation will be posted?
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: and it has to be a date none of this hey you want to hang out
girlfriend [7:03 PM]: WHAT
me [7:03 PM]: LMFAO
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: I DID NOT AGREE TO THAT
me [7:04 PM]: yeah! this is funny stuff!
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: whatever
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: i don't know if i want to continue this conversation
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: ;-)
me [7:04 PM]: LOL
me [7:04 PM]: nobody will know your name!
me [7:04 PM]: i'm just kidding!
me [7:04 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:04 PM]: you are such a butthead
me [7:05 PM]: can I atleast use the "no oral sex" either?
girlfriend [7:05 PM]: what does lmfao mean
girlfriend [7:05 PM]: yes you can use that line but thats it
girlfriend [7:06 PM]: so how are things on your man hunt
me [7:07 PM]: what man hunt
me [7:07 PM]: still 0, zip, nada
girlfriend [7:07 PM]: i feel ya
girlfriend [7:07 PM]: of course (other friend) has tones of men
me [7:07 PM]: skinny ass bitch! LOL
girlfriend [7:07 PM]: your telling me
me [7:08 PM]: wait, you didn't answer me, is your trainer cute? or is he a she?
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: i did answer you you nut
me [7:08 PM]: no you didn't
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: i said i have a girl on mon and fri but the guy on wed is cute
me [7:08 PM]: hmmmm
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: you would like him
girlfriend [7:08 PM]: wait my buzzer for dinner just went off be right back
me [7:08 PM]: you mean i would fantasize about him
girlfriend [7:09 PM]: k im back
girlfriend [7:09 PM]: k im back
me [7:10 PM]: i see ya

me [7:10 PM]: so what's for dinner

girlfriend [7:10 PM]: chicken courdon blue
girlfriend [7:10 PM]: i think i spelt that middle word wrong
me [7:10 PM]: cordon
me [7:11 PM]: cordon bleu not blue
me [7:11 PM]: oh well
girlfriend [7:11 PM]: i only bought it because the boys behind the counter were cute. it has mustard in it and i hate mustard but i am going to try it anyways
me [7:11 PM]: sandwich?
girlfriend [7:11 PM]: that s what i get for trying to flirt
me [7:11 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:11 PM]: no not a sandwich
me [7:12 PM]: trying? you did flirt!
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: it is a piece of chicken stuffed with cheese and ham and breaded on the outside
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: yes i flirted
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: hello you are talking to the flirt master
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: i am just not a good closer
girlfriend [7:12 PM]: LOL
me [7:12 PM]: i read it somewhere that the reason why some females are depressed is that they are missing semen. what i meant was that semen is like prozac
me [7:13 PM]: fucking crazy huh?
girlfriend [7:13 PM]: yeah well i had prozac and semen and neither of them made me very happy well maybe the prozac did
girlfriend [7:13 PM]: you are such a shit
me [7:14 PM]: probably some hetero guy wanting to give an excuse to his girlfriend to swallow!

girlfriend [7:14 PM]: wait again the buzzer went off
me [7:14 PM]: k
girlfriend [7:15 PM]: yeah most likely
me [7:15 PM]: LOL
girlfriend [7:16 PM]: hey well i am going to get going i feel like watching a sappy move and that is what i am going to do I will talk to you later.
me [7:16 PM]: k later
girlfriend [7:16 PM]: love you lots you sexy stud muffin
girlfriend signed off at 7:16 PM
me [7:16 PM]: LOL likewise

*Name of friend withheld to protect what's left of their dignity.
*Blogger is utterly retched for posting this conversation.
*Blogger posted it anyway.
*Blogger will OWE a really really nice and expensive dinner to friend!

Gay Rumor Mill/"The Nile is not only a river."

"According to the Herald report, Thorpe told ABC Radio in 2002 that he was 'a little bit different to what most people would consider being an Australian male. (But) That doesn't make me gay.' "

A little snippet of news. Sounded interesting. Gives a new meaning to Thorpedo. But for crying out loud, leave the man alone already!

read the whole article Thorpe Denies He's Gay

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


"...No one wants to be thought of as a whore anymore."
--says Sean, 25, a waiter (taken from Instinct, Sept 2004. the death of the one-night stand by Mike Shea. pg 50)

Which leads me to believe that there was a time it was fashionable to be a whore. Do you read this Daniel?

"Ideally, one should carefully look at a penis before sticking it in one's mouth."
--Dr. Jeffrey KLausner (ibid)

Umm, what about smelling it as well?

The Case of the Ripper

I just got off from work and I decided to finally read the recent Instinct magazine, September 2004 issue, which I bought last Saturday. I couldn't wait to peruse it's contents. It looked very promising. On the cover was the sexy Adrian Armas, scene stealing actor of Showboy. Another bonus was that of Antonio Sabato, Jr's pictorial. Very promising indeed.


  • Beverage--Iced tea (no sugar)
  • Snack--Cashew nuts
  • CD--Songbird by Eva Cassidy
  • Lighting--Bedside lamp
  • Attire--Cotton PJ (just the bottom and no undies)
  • Misc--Lube and Tissue (just in case)

And I was ready to go!


Someone, actually, some BITCH tore off the pages 57-70! And kidnapped my Antonio pictures! Unbelievable! Why couldn't they just had pilfered the whole damn magazine! Why damage a perfectly good magazine knowing someone will be stupid enough not to browse through the magazine making sure all of the pages were intact? And to know that I was that stupid person!

My night is ruined! Adrian is cute and all but he's no Antonio. Besides, Adrian's freaky hairy nipples distract me from fantasizing about how he would feel on top of me. Spiders crawling on my chest comes to mind!


Now I have no excuse but to read the articles!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Brandon's Curiosity

Brandon wanted to hear about my "coke/beer can" story. I didn't tell him. Kurt did. He was grossed out. Oh, well! He also stated that it was the second grossest thing he's ever heard. I guess my "TP" story is tops.
I can't freaking sleep! Ugh! Ended up being imed by one of my friends. He sounded gloom. I hate it when he gets this weird. Started talking about why he's back 'here'. So I said that "Stockton is a blackhole. It sucks you right back in." I was corrected, he meant 'this world'. My bad! So I jokingly/sarcastically typed back 'What? You'd rather be in Uranus? I heard it's still freaking freezing over there!"

His reply: "Know you not the difference between worlds and planets?"

Mine: "Know you not the term SARCASM?"

I think that pissed him off. Thinking back on it, maybe I shouldn't have poked the bear. Especially one who posts a pic on http://downelink.com laying down clutching a shotgun to his chest.

Note: Get said friend a white jacket for Christmas.

Maybe I should ask him to get a prescription for haldol. Or maybe even a mild sedative. One doesn't take it lightly when someone asks you to get an Rx for an anti-psychotic drug. Maybe he needs to get laid.

Speaking of getting laid...A few more months and I'm going to pass my 4th year anniversary of not getting any. In truth, I can't even remember the details the last time I had sex. All I can recall was that I didn't even cum. My ex did, twice in fact. Selfish bastard! He wanted me to f*ck him without a rubber that time. Thank goodness I didn't give in.

I wonder what he's doing right now. More than likely, on his back.

Penis Troubles

Like all gay men, I like penis. And unlike heterosexual men, having one (your own) is never enough. I, along with all my gay brethren, have to have another. I'm not greedy. I just want one and a guy that comes along with it. But I am picky. Mind you, I'm not a size queen. Not in the traditional way, far from it. Size and shape are definitely important and I do have my preferences.

I have the fear of extremely large penises. While they're great to look at, the idea of what damage it can do gives me the chills. I like the idea of still keeping my vocal cords and lower intestines intact. That includes anything that I can't grip with one hand comfortably is totally out of the question. I like my anus to retain it's virginal qualities. Need I care to mention the lock jaw? I know that it's inevitable from time to time but a lock jaw from one ridiculously thick penis is extremely painful. And I have learned my lesson well.

Once while in a drunken haze, I greedily obliged to a guy's incessant moans and pleas of me giving him fellatio and that of mounting me. I gave in because I was extremely horny and accepted the idea that I might not get it up on account to my blood was so thin because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I should have passed out when I saw his monster. It was so long and thick that the first thing that came to mind was a baseball bat. I should have ran but it's immense size held me captive. I felt like I was in the presence of the supernatural. I was in awe. I was awaken from my stupor when my face was slapped with that thing!

I don't know what I was thinking when I dove in. The head itself was difficult for my mouth to encompass. The foolish soldier in me kept urging me on. I was not about to let an appendage beat me! No Pain No Gain! HOOAH! It wouldn't budge! I finally gave up the idea of deepthroating when I can only sustain 1/4 of it's length for fear of cutting my air flow. My brain was probably injured because we proceeded into playing 'hide the bat in a wallet'. We used 3/4 of a bottle of lube and what seemed like an hour before the thing finally went in. The horror! I was determined to stay awake the whole time. Fearing that if I do pass out, I would wake finding that my anal sphincter was now my mouth, literally!

Thank goodness the ordeal lasted only 3 minutes. Those measly minutes resulted in my bleeding for 3 days. My ass was so sore that even taking a dump required pain killers and a prayer said through clenched teeth. And for awhile, all I could eat were soup and soft foods. Chewing was out of the question. There I was, my colon rearranged, hurting like hell and I couldn't even complain about it!


I also don't like penises that curved extremely to the right, to the left, or bending backwards like it's head is too heavy for the shaft to hold even when erect. Do I have to even explain? No, I like my penises straight or slightly curving up. I'm fine with where my colon and intestines are situated right now. That's why I'm versatile. I have a back up plan when I'm faced with a situation involving uber penises.

Ofcourse, if I find that Mr. Right has the said type of penises...I just have to suck it up and drive on. I might as well practice unhinging my jaw and buy that butt-donut-thing (the one full of air) and master sign language. Or maybe con him in being the hole in our relationship.

Time will only tell. Besides, I like the idea of relaxing and having my feet pointing to the ceiling every now and then.

I was born. I came out. I started a blog.

Testes 1 2 3...

This should be fun. I wonder what kind of crap I'll end up with once I get started. I guess we'll just wait and see.

Here we go...