Sunday, October 03, 2004

Poo Shy?

I've been known to "drop the kids off the pool" quite so often during the day. It's very unusual for me not to do it at least twice a day. It's probably because of my diet. I eat a lot of crappy food that it makes me, well, crap all the time.

One of my co-workers is disturb of my candidness whenever I do my sitting. She's the type that would hold it in until she gets home. Never mind the fact that we have bathrooms that can only occupy a person at a time. She also states that she won't poop at home unless she was utterly alone. She's embarrassed with the idea of someone walking in after her thus smelling the evidence. I feel she might have a chance of getting an impacted bowel one of these days.

That's why I announce my intent; to warn the folks thinking of going after my wake to wait awhile until the area clears. If they don't, it's their own fault. They just have to suck it up and smell my little babies.

Although, it is another story when it comes to public restrooms. I get performance anxiety whenever I know someone is just over the next stall. For some odd reason, I get nervous. And when I get nervous, the louder it gets. I tell you, boy is it hard to hold one's own pent up gas! It's one thing for people to think they know what you're doing than to flat out announce and confirm their suspicions. I envy the bastards who don't care for shit what others think. They're the ones who just let it all out and often accompany it with moans.

There is only one place and time where I draw the line when it comes to pooping. That is when drunk people are milling about. They're loud, obnoxious, inebriated, and would definitely voice their opinions when someone's dropping noxious turds. Not to mention a propensity to announce to their friends (often within earshot of others) that the guy/girl that just got out of the bathroom stank up the loo with poo.

That's why the other night, I took my friend's car keys and hauled ass to the nearest gas station.

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