Sunday, October 24, 2004

Just Wondering

I came out to my parents when I was 21 years old and was enlisted in the Army. In fact, unbeknownst to me, I came out around the time Matthew Shepard was murdered. I found out, about Matthew, when my mother told me to be careful because of recent events. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought about it for sometime and weighed the consequences. I decided that pretending to be someone who I am not, was no longer an option. I felt that it was something I had to do.

The first person I told was the wife of one of my sergeant's. I didn't have any choice. She walked in on my very first homosexual tryst. At the time, we were having a party at her apartment. I was stationed in Schweinefurt, Germany and every time there was alcohol involved, it meant that everyone got trashed. This time was no exception. Things started getting out of hand. Someone had the bright idea of playing 'Truth or Dare'. Let me tell you, by the end of the night, I was horny like I was never ever been as horny. My best friend (at the time) and I decided to stay the night. I had the floor and he had the couch. I can't recall how things got started, all I remember was that both of us were on the floor. Pants were off and oddly enough, our shirts were still on! Lips to lips, mouth on skin, tongue on chest, teeth on nipples, and then to the most mind boggling 69. My first ever!

Then the most terrifying moment of my life happened. Amid a break to take a breather (I was not used to breathing through my nose while something was in my mouth), I turned my head and there I saw my friend's 7 year old kid looking straight at us crying out loud looking for his mommy! I heard a sudden choke and felt my buddy go limp on top of me. I followed suit. For what it seemed a long time, the kid was staring at us. What he saw was two guys with no pants, one was sleeping on top of the other, while the other with his eyes closed trying desperately to cover and move the other's weewee away from his mouth/face. Then I heard my friend's (the wife) voice comforting her child. Some silence, a long one, then footsteps. She saw us, without a doubt. She had the graciousness on pretending that she didn't but I confessed anyway.

Little by little, I started coming out to my Army friends. I didn't have any problems. I can only think of 2 people acting differently afterwards but never any harmful things. Now a day, it is easier for homosexuals to come out. It is now common that younger and younger gay men and women come out to their family, friends, and to everyone else. The attitude towards homosexuals have changed the last few years to somewhat of a benign acknowledgement. Not full acceptance, but ok enough to come out of the closet .

So I wonder why some don't come out until they're older. Are they waiting for their kids to get older? Are they waiting for their parents to pass on? Have they not accepted their own persons? I don't know. I'm sure some have a valid reason. But what is the catalyst? Why do some gay men come out during their later years?

I suspect because that's when they have their first prostate exam. I mean come on! They've been depriving themselves and then all of a sudden some sterile gloved finger goes up in their you know what! Boom! Finds out (well, kind of) what they were missing! No wonder most men pass out and some even ejaculate. Don't believe me, just go ask a doctor!

I'm just being stupid. But hey, what do you think?