Friday, December 30, 2005

Please Don't Take Away My Gay Card!

Shit shit shit shit shit! I didn't mean to, but I think I did a very bad thing. A BIG NO NO! I may have been generous to someone who's homophobic. Dog fucking gone it! Yeah, file it under WTF Was I Thinking! (Personally, I think that file drawer is almost full.) There goes my Gay Karma.

Shit, I'm not going to have sex this year coming up! Not that I have been for the past 5 years. (And I don't need your pity.) I could have but chose not to fuck around. But now that I have done this heinous deed, I may not have that choice. I will be the Ultimate Gay Pariah! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

What is the deed, you ask? I'm not going to tell you. Am I being a Drama Queen? Why the fucking hell not? My Gay membership assures me that I get to have a Fabulous Gay Breakdown from time to time. Ack! I seriously need to think things through first before acting. I mean I should have learned from the 'tp' incident after rimming this one guy. Yuck! I mean I have done it plenty, I mean I...never mind.

Whew. Next!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Mischievous Boys


Just 4 Asian guys lip-synching (or try horribly) to pop songs. You have to at least watch one. It's sooo bad I'm sooo hooked. Never have I laughed so hard and felt horny afterwards. And to think that they live less than an hour away. I think I may actually have met one already (Joseph), he looks so darn familiar.

One video actually featured all of them--topless. I thought it was going to turn into some amateur gay porn! Haayyy! It didn't but it still got the job done. They're all hot! Still, it bothers me that they misspelled 'mischievous' as 'mischievious'. On purpose maybe? Oh well.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Playing With Yourself Got A Little Weirder

What are they going to come up next? I don't know though...the french guy is such a turn on! That is until he started speaking english.

Thanks to The Peculiar One for the link.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Roommate Quips #2

Sometime today @ work, I see Flea walking, mumbling to her self, and looking upset.

Me: What's wrong?
Flea: Nothing...
(I was going to go back to typing when...)
Flea: I'm just PMSing! (ahhh)
Me: (giving the "I really don't like to hear this one bit" look)
Flea: And I was craving chocolate but I pushed the wrong button and got a healthy fruit bar thingy!
Me: (I shouldn't...Oh well, started laughing out loud that if I were drinking something, I'm pretty sure it would shoot out of my nostrils)
Flea: Shut up! It was like a sign from God!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Yikes!

After 3 years of silence, I finally called my wife. At first, I tried to get my co-workers to call for me pretending to be insurance agents trying to confirm my marital status for some cheaper rate kinda deal, she didn't answer any of their calls. Apparently, she doesn't answer calls with blocked numbers. I guess I'm just so nosy that I want to know. Well, out of curiosity, I called her myself thinking she wouldn't answer the phone. Ofcourse, someone did. And it was a guy!?

GUY: Hello?
Me: (must be her dad) May I speak with _______?
GUY: Yeah, hold on.
Wife: Hello?
Me: _______?
Wife: Yes, who's this?
Me: Your HUSBAND!
Wife: OMG! Hey ___(GUY'S name) it's my husband! (then you hear baby crying)
Me: Who was that?
Wife: My BOYFRIEND and now you hear our 15 month old (THEIR) son.
Me: So you really want a divorce now, huh?


And so it goes. Blah, blah, blah...Fill in the blanks. Then it was decided that sometime next year (maybe March), I will be flying to Chicago to finalize our divorce. I should have known this would happen. I mean she did tell me last time we talked that she had a thing for giving head. I'm like HELLO! She is not a die hard lesbian after all.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Aqualung

Let me just say that I love this guy's voice. Love it!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Dog Did It!!!

For several minutes, I kept smelling dog doodoo. And for the life of me, I could not find it. I've searched high and low. Behind the couch, under the table, in the hallway, behind the door, next to the fridge, and under my sandals. Nada. Meanwhile, Miss Chess (MC, my dog) is right with me checking along.



I kept sniffing, the odor is there but where's the turd. Ugh! It was bugging the hell outta me. I even thought it was my roomie's dog (Duchess) that pooped. Duchess has the habit of pooping discreetly. Then my lovely dog let out a loud and big fart. Light Bulb!

MC, you dirty bitch!


Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Where's the Bulb?


A friend of mine recently started dating a Bulgarian which we will now call Poplov. One night while sitting on our couch in the living room, he happen to find a little blue thing-a-ma-jig right next to him. Upon closer inspection, he deduced that it was a flashlight. It did omit a miniscule amount of light. Started fiddling with it, wondered why it would not cast a brighter light. Later he told my friend (the one he is dating) that the little flashlight wasn't much of a flashlight and showed it to her. She started laughing.

Apparently, he mistook Roomie2's pocket rocket (mini vibrator) as a means for illumination.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Roommate(s) Quips #1


Me: So, did you guys do it?

Roomie1: No (sad face). We didn't have any condoms!

Me: What? Why didn't you ask me for some?

Roomie2: Jake, what the hell is Flea gonna do with a 5 year old condom?


Yeah, Roomie2 is just a funny bitch! Note: Sarcasm

Thursday, October 27, 2005

...

Why do you do this to me? Who the hell do you think you are? I'm not just a toy that you can cast aside and take out whenever you feel like it. I feel like shit. You make me feel like shit. Stop bothering me! I said I'm fine. I'm always fine. I'll be fine. No, really. I always cry afterwards. It helps. You should try it. Why? I did everything right. I deserve being happy. I'm afraid that I can never be happy. I FUCKING HATE YOU! I Fucking Hate You! i fucking hate you. You never did love me. I know that now. You never will. You are free. Atlast, I am free.

You can start beating again...Hopefully an omen

Are gay men really that bitter?

Why is it accepted for gay men to be bitchy? Is it because we are retaliating from all the years of abuse by our peers and even our families? Do we really personify the divaness we mean to achieve? I don't get it. It's sad really. While it is funny and makes your friends laugh from time to time, being a bitch 24/7 does seem to take its toll unto others. Don't get me wrong, an attitude is ok but too much of it is...too much.

A message to all gay men, tone down the bitchiness. You probably just turned off the perfect guy.

I think I may have.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

You Can't Have Your Bitch and Eat Me Too!

What my lesbian roommate should have said to her two-timing lesbian lover.

Monday, October 24, 2005

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Well, it seems like the bots have found me! Damn spammers.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Chick Magnet


My karma is definitely out of whack as of late. I like the attention and all but women?!!! Yeah, women! So far, I know about 3. Two of them happen to be classmates of mine (Economics--Macro). Both sit on either side of me. How do I know that they 'like' me that way? Well, it's all the giggles, the hair flipping, the flirting, and their voices. I can tell. And it irritates the fucking hell out of me. Funny thing is, I don't have the heart to tell them that I like dick too. Sooner or later, I have to tell them. My plan, would be to wear my "Swallows" tee shirt on the last day of class, then maybe they can take the hint.

The other girl, I just recently found out. Apparently, this new girl at work have a crush on me. I don't know who because the informer doesn't want to tell me. She (informer) said that the girl (drooling over me) told them that I was cute and was later embarrassed when they told her that I was a fudgepacker/packee. It was then decided (by the droolee) that I should never ever know of her identity. Yeah right, I'm sure all I have to do is wear my hottest outfit (one that accentuates my ass and upper body (HA!) and go to each and every girl at work to find out who would swoon. The thing that disturbs me the most is that how in the hell did she not know? I mean I not a big nelly but I'm totally out at work. I'm sure she's heard me hum or belt out a show tune from time to time. And flirt with other guys at work. How can you not know?

Was she that blinded from my beauty that she didn't recognize my affinity to all things fabulous, but disregarded it instead as being in good taste?

Yeah, I'm talking right out of my ass.

Friday, September 02, 2005

You Know What To Do

Red Cross

Thursday, September 01, 2005

To Cupid: "Throw Me A Bone, Will Ya!"

Sigh, It's been such a long time since I've kissed a man. I mean, really really KISS A MAN. The initial hesitation; wondering what kind of kiss the other prefer. Should I be rough? Soft, gentle on the lips? Does he like it when I suck on his tongue? Would he like it if I stick my tongue inside his mouth and go exploring? Nibbles? Wet or dry? Quiet? Or should I start making lapping noises? I actually dated someone who loved it when I make wet smacking noises whenever I kissed him, he said it turned him on. I thought, "Why not?"

There were only a few guys that I've locked lips with and thought 'blah'. One guy kissed as if he was chewing cud. Another pressed his lips so hard against mine that I swore I tasted blood. And once I thought I was kissing a dog named Charles, he was slobbering so much that to save the night, I had to feign interest and have him blow me instead. Which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Good Charlie, good boy!

I'm not asking for much. Not even sex. Just to remember how a kiss from a man feels. How it would excite me, give me a sense of euphoria and contentment. How it would give me an instant smile and make everything better. The faint smell of aftershave/cologne. The stubble that rubs against my face. The tender side. The rough I-Wanna-Fuck-You-Now way of kissing. The I-Love-You moment.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Egads!

I survived the First week of school and I think I may have lost my mind. I'm practically a full time student (12 units) and yet work 40+ hours a week. No wonder I'm a little bit under the weather. I'm so sick right now that if I stop sniffling for one second, snot would run out my nose. I know! And to think that I was going to sign up for 2 more classes. Anyway, eye candy galor! I feel like a dirty old man! All the young but hotties! I don't even have to turn my head to follow, someone better is always bound to be in my field of vision.

Friday, August 05, 2005

What's Been Goin' On?

SHORT STORY: Helped a friend move out of apartment after her fiance called the cops on her. Went swimming then passed out not able to wake up to go to Davis,CA. Read 4 books (reviews to come). Saw 3 movies. Sang karaoke BADLY! Got drunk and drunk-dialed an Ex. Registered to go back to school. Bought plane tickets to the Phils for January. Bought tickets to Gwen Stefani's concert on Oct 23. Got partially molested (ok he just rubbed himself on me, like he wanted me to feel him up, which I did) by the 'other' gay man (the one that didn't want to meet me) at the 'straight' bar. And somehow got both of my best friends upset with me. Also, there is still that RSVP (my friend Jenice's wedding) that I have to mail out tomorrow. Good lord, did I book the hotel? Ugh!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Definitely not a blonde


It's a given, you're bound to see something you're disgusted with whenever you use a toilet other than your own. Case in point; today at work after lunch, I had the sudden urge to use the facilities. It was #2 (Damn those tacos!) Thankfully, I have with me the latest Out magazine (damn that Graham Ackerman is a hottie) to help me pass the ummm time. So off I go. As I posted before, we have two sets of bathrooms (for both sexes); one set is found in the office proper where more than one person can be doing their business, and another set located in the warehouse where there is space for one occupant. I tend to use the one in the warehouse for obvious reasons.

Immediately upon entering, I had the sudden realization that someone at work has a nasty sense of humour. On the toilet seat sat a clump of pubic hair ball. I'm not kidding, it was a BALL. At first, I thought maybe it was an orgy of daddy long legs fucking on the toilet seat but upon close inspection, it was confirmed by my own eyes that it was in fact made up of extremely curly pubic hair.

What to do? The genius in me thought, what if I open the bathroom door vigorously creating pockets of air waves then maybe I can fluff the floss-down-under into the bowl. Some temps were walking by and started giving me these looks probably wondering what kind of place did their agency put them to work at. Gave them a smile and a wave. Told them that I wasn't playing tag with the toilet. They just smiled back nervously. So I lied, told them there was a bee. Which relaxed them some what and kept on walking. I ended up fanning my mag over the darn thing, yet still the clump sat vigilantly never loosing its grip on the throne. My stomach then reminded me why I was there in the first place. Grabbed a large amount of toilet paper and proceeded to wipe the seat (making sure to catch the hair clump) and flushed the toilet. I then sprayed the seat with Lysol, wiped it dry, laid down a toilet seat cover, and proceeded to do my thang.

Back at work, I kept eye contact whenever I spoke with a male co-worker in hopes of catching the guilty party. Maybe I can give out a vibe saying that I know what they left on the toilet, then maybe he would pour out his confessions and beg for my forgiveness. Nope, it didn't work.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

New Look!


I was getting bored with the old template and happen to stumble upon this one. Thank goodness it's free! LOL I know, I'm so cheap! I really like this one. What do y'all think? I know I have to fix some things here and there, heck I need to figure out how to manipulate some html! Zzzz

Anyway, tell me what you like or dislike. Even suggestions (so long as you tell me how to do it!)

Update: I am actually 'talking' to someone over the phone. Quite giddy. Feel like I'm in high school again. And no, it's not the same guy. I know, I'm such a tramp! He sounds great. Can't wait for that first date, then we'll see if there's a real spark. Crossing my fingers...

PS Justin, sorry to use your pic. Thought it was most appropriate! LOL

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

My Parents


Happy 30th Wedding Anniversary


For Our Survival

Wow, I almost forgot how 10 k felt. Sunday was a reminder that one should wear comfortable shoes when one is about to walk oh ummm...10 kilometers. Not to mention that it was in SanFran. It was also a reminder not to drink/party excessively the night prior to a strenuous event. To wear sunscreen. I'm not trying to complain. In fact, I am proud and elated that I completed the 10k AidsWalk. I had fun and saw plenty of eye candy. It also felt like I accomplished something.

I'm just thankful that my friend came along or I would have done the walk by myself. My team leader and his friends (practically the whole darn team, minus me) were still on the muni as my friend and I were passing the first checkpoint. They were late. Oh well, they didn't get to see Rita Moreno's oration (wow), Hal Spark's wit (looking faux gay as ever), Jai Rodriguez' charm (he's actually cuter in person), Thora Birch's clumsy but cute turn at the podium (she's petite...), Deborah Gibson singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" (she's blond and you can definitely hear that 'Broadway' tone of singing from her) and Mayor Gavin Newsom's uberpersonality (I was very impressed!)

Definitely doing it again next year. Maybe form my own team. Be more prepared. Well rested. Healthier.

I would like to give thanks to those who sponsored me, which all in all totaled to more than $700!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Trapped with blue balls

Last week, I did the unthinkable. I gave someone my phone number and email. The craziest thing is that he's normally not what I'm attracted to. He hasn't called and it's driving me nuts. Gawd, what if he thought I was too forward? Maybe, he thinks that I'm one of those barflies that give their info to everyone. Ugh, of all places, it was at a gay bar! He does think I'm a slut! Dog gone it! Or maybe, I wasn't slutty enough for him! He was probably waiting for me to give him a kiss when we said our goodbyes. Since I am a prude, therefore not giving him the tongue. What if he wanted a bj right then and there? Yeah, right! Fuck him, I lost interest anyway. : )

Good lord, I do need to get laid!

Cow Tipper

That's Kevin. He's cornfed. From Iowa. Met him when I was still working at Barnes and Noble a few years back. Really cool guy, although very eccentric. First time I ever saw him drunk, he all of a sudden would announce to everyone and noone in particular that he would now commence to 'commune' with the ground. Then there was last year, where he wanted to take a picture of himself burried with lots and lots of taco wrappers from Jack in the Box. Did I mention that he was untouched when he moved to Cali? Not anymore of course, he became quite the player. Or so he says.

Anyway, this summer, he took a job that allowed him to visit. Packed his suitcase and his precious Geo Metro, and drove to the west promoting Apple technologies. He only had a few days but they were fun. If only he took his friend along. Same time next year, mon ami?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Pride 2005...Photologue (is that even a word?) The blah story...

flag1
I often wonder what's the official gay anthem.

dovexdriving
Dove'x picked me up. While on our way we discussed that since it was Pride, we should somehow show our Pride.

car2
Oh Yes We Did!!!

car3
Stopped by the next WalMart and bought white shoe polish. Yes, it said: "Pride or Bust"

dovecar
Atleast it was a rental.

dovexpinktria
Don't ask. Pussy will do anything for a photo-op!

flag2
Ah. Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

bicyclist2bicyclists
Then this shit happens!

margarita2
Being that it was Friday, I had a bloody mary.

megate
Unfortunately, had too much and started thinking I was a model.

walking
Mario, Dove'x, Jodi, and Tony
Saturday, we walked from Broadway (in Van Ness) to Castro.

oldman oldmancgay2 oldmancgay
An Old man and 2Gay boys. The old guy was dancing alone showing his ass to everyone. Of course, the gay boys started dancing with him freaky. The old man didn't like it at all.

queertails
Cute!

tonypassedout jodersdancing
Returned to the hotel/inn to freshen up and change for the Pink Party. Tony Passed out, the day wasn't even over yet! Jodi practicing her moves in the hotel balcony.

samho
Deciding that walking again was not an option, We took the bus.

bus
Yeah, We're pervs!

bus2
Aww, Toners!
steph
Steph was hot!
joders
Don't mind Jodi.

The Pink Party

band sailoranddrunkgirl sailoranddick mariodick really hulatit dovexbubbles danners

lesbosandwich
Got invaded by lesbians at night.

Pride Sunday
Still Not Sure What Pride Means? Maybe This Would Help...
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