Friday, December 30, 2005
Shit, I'm not going to have sex this year coming up! Not that I have been for the past 5 years. (And I don't need your pity.) I could have but chose not to fuck around. But now that I have done this heinous deed, I may not have that choice. I will be the Ultimate Gay Pariah! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
What is the deed, you ask? I'm not going to tell you. Am I being a Drama Queen? Why the fucking hell not? My Gay membership assures me that I get to have a Fabulous Gay Breakdown from time to time. Ack! I seriously need to think things through first before acting. I mean I should have learned from the 'tp' incident after rimming this one guy. Yuck! I mean I have done it plenty, I mean I...never mind.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Just 4 Asian guys lip-synching (or try horribly) to pop songs. You have to at least watch one. It's sooo bad I'm sooo hooked. Never have I laughed so hard and felt horny afterwards. And to think that they live less than an hour away. I think I may actually have met one already (Joseph), he looks so darn familiar.
One video actually featured all of them--topless. I thought it was going to turn into some amateur gay porn! Haayyy! It didn't but it still got the job done. They're all hot! Still, it bothers me that they misspelled 'mischievous' as 'mischievious'. On purpose maybe? Oh well.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Me: What's wrong?
(I was going to go back to typing when...)
Flea: I'm just PMSing! (ahhh)
Me: (giving the "I really don't like to hear this one bit" look)
Flea: And I was craving chocolate but I pushed the wrong button and got a healthy fruit bar thingy!
Me: (I shouldn't...Oh well, started laughing out loud that if I were drinking something, I'm pretty sure it would shoot out of my nostrils)
Flea: Shut up! It was like a sign from God!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Me: (must be her dad) May I speak with _______?
GUY: Yeah, hold on.
Wife: Yes, who's this?
Me: Your HUSBAND!
Wife: OMG! Hey ___(GUY'S name) it's my husband! (then you hear baby crying)
Me: Who was that?
Wife: My BOYFRIEND and now you hear our 15 month old (THEIR) son.
Me: So you really want a divorce now, huh?
And so it goes. Blah, blah, blah...Fill in the blanks. Then it was decided that sometime next year (maybe March), I will be flying to Chicago to finalize our divorce. I should have known this would happen. I mean she did tell me last time we talked that she had a thing for giving head. I'm like HELLO! She is not a die hard lesbian after all.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Thursday, November 03, 2005
MC, you dirty bitch!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
A friend of mine recently started dating a Bulgarian which we will now call Poplov. One night while sitting on our couch in the living room, he happen to find a little blue thing-a-ma-jig right next to him. Upon closer inspection, he deduced that it was a flashlight. It did omit a miniscule amount of light. Started fiddling with it, wondered why it would not cast a brighter light. Later he told my friend (the one he is dating) that the little flashlight wasn't much of a flashlight and showed it to her. She started laughing.
Apparently, he mistook Roomie2's pocket rocket (mini vibrator) as a means for illumination.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
You can start beating again...
A message to all gay men, tone down the bitchiness. You probably just turned off the perfect guy.
I think I may have.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
My karma is definitely out of whack as of late. I like the attention and all but women?!!! Yeah, women! So far, I know about 3. Two of them happen to be classmates of mine (Economics--Macro). Both sit on either side of me. How do I know that they 'like' me that way? Well, it's all the giggles, the hair flipping, the flirting, and their voices. I can tell. And it irritates the fucking hell out of me. Funny thing is, I don't have the heart to tell them that I like dick too. Sooner or later, I have to tell them. My plan, would be to wear my "Swallows" tee shirt on the last day of class, then maybe they can take the hint.
The other girl, I just recently found out. Apparently, this new girl at work have a crush on me. I don't know who because the informer doesn't want to tell me. She (informer) said that the girl (drooling over me) told them that I was cute and was later embarrassed when they told her that I was a fudgepacker/packee. It was then decided (by the droolee) that I should never ever know of her identity. Yeah right, I'm sure all I have to do is wear my hottest outfit (one that accentuates my ass and upper body (HA!) and go to each and every girl at work to find out who would swoon. The thing that disturbs me the most is that how in the hell did she not know? I mean I not a big nelly but I'm totally out at work. I'm sure she's heard me hum or belt out a show tune from time to time. And flirt with other guys at work. How can you not know?
Was she that blinded from my beauty that she didn't recognize my affinity to all things fabulous, but disregarded it instead as being in good taste?
Yeah, I'm talking right out of my ass.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
There were only a few guys that I've locked lips with and thought 'blah'. One guy kissed as if he was chewing cud. Another pressed his lips so hard against mine that I swore I tasted blood. And once I thought I was kissing a dog named Charles, he was slobbering so much that to save the night, I had to feign interest and have him blow me instead. Which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Good Charlie, good boy!
I'm not asking for much. Not even sex. Just to remember how a kiss from a man feels. How it would excite me, give me a sense of euphoria and contentment. How it would give me an instant smile and make everything better. The faint smell of aftershave/cologne. The stubble that rubs against my face. The tender side. The rough I-Wanna-Fuck-You-Now way of kissing. The I-Love-You moment.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Friday, August 05, 2005
Saturday, July 23, 2005
It's a given, you're bound to see something you're disgusted with whenever you use a toilet other than your own. Case in point; today at work after lunch, I had the sudden urge to use the facilities. It was #2 (Damn those tacos!) Thankfully, I have with me the latest Out magazine (damn that Graham Ackerman is a hottie) to help me pass the ummm time. So off I go. As I posted before, we have two sets of bathrooms (for both sexes); one set is found in the office proper where more than one person can be doing their business, and another set located in the warehouse where there is space for one occupant. I tend to use the one in the warehouse for obvious reasons.
Immediately upon entering, I had the sudden realization that someone at work has a nasty sense of humour. On the toilet seat sat a clump of pubic hair ball. I'm not kidding, it was a BALL. At first, I thought maybe it was an orgy of daddy long legs fucking on the toilet seat but upon close inspection, it was confirmed by my own eyes that it was in fact made up of extremely curly pubic hair.
What to do? The genius in me thought, what if I open the bathroom door vigorously creating pockets of air waves then maybe I can fluff the floss-down-under into the bowl. Some temps were walking by and started giving me these looks probably wondering what kind of place did their agency put them to work at. Gave them a smile and a wave. Told them that I wasn't playing tag with the toilet. They just smiled back nervously. So I lied, told them there was a bee. Which relaxed them some what and kept on walking. I ended up fanning my mag over the darn thing, yet still the clump sat vigilantly never loosing its grip on the throne. My stomach then reminded me why I was there in the first place. Grabbed a large amount of toilet paper and proceeded to wipe the seat (making sure to catch the hair clump) and flushed the toilet. I then sprayed the seat with Lysol, wiped it dry, laid down a toilet seat cover, and proceeded to do my thang.
Back at work, I kept eye contact whenever I spoke with a male co-worker in hopes of catching the guilty party. Maybe I can give out a vibe saying that I know what they left on the toilet, then maybe he would pour out his confessions and beg for my forgiveness. Nope, it didn't work.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I was getting bored with the old template and happen to stumble upon this one. Thank goodness it's free! LOL I know, I'm so cheap! I really like this one. What do y'all think? I know I have to fix some things here and there, heck I need to figure out how to manipulate some html! Zzzz
Anyway, tell me what you like or dislike. Even suggestions (so long as you tell me how to do it!)
Update: I am actually 'talking' to someone over the phone. Quite giddy. Feel like I'm in high school again. And no, it's not the same guy. I know, I'm such a tramp! He sounds great. Can't wait for that first date, then we'll see if there's a real spark. Crossing my fingers...
PS Justin, sorry to use your pic. Thought it was most appropriate! LOL
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
I'm just thankful that my friend came along or I would have done the walk by myself. My team leader and his friends (practically the whole darn team, minus me) were still on the muni as my friend and I were passing the first checkpoint. They were late. Oh well, they didn't get to see Rita Moreno's oration (wow), Hal Spark's wit (looking faux gay as ever), Jai Rodriguez' charm (he's actually cuter in person), Thora Birch's clumsy but cute turn at the podium (she's petite...), Deborah Gibson singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" (she's blond and you can definitely hear that 'Broadway' tone of singing from her) and Mayor Gavin Newsom's uberpersonality (I was very impressed!)
Definitely doing it again next year. Maybe form my own team. Be more prepared. Well rested. Healthier.
I would like to give thanks to those who sponsored me, which all in all totaled to more than $700!
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Good lord, I do need to get laid!
Anyway, this summer, he took a job that allowed him to visit. Packed his suitcase and his precious Geo Metro, and drove to the west promoting Apple technologies. He only had a few days but they were fun. If only he took his friend along. Same time next year, mon ami?
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I often wonder what's the official gay anthem.
Dove'x picked me up. While on our way we discussed that since it was Pride, we should somehow show our Pride.
Oh Yes We Did!!!
Stopped by the next WalMart and bought white shoe polish. Yes, it said: "Pride or Bust"
Atleast it was a rental.
Don't ask. Pussy will do anything for a photo-op!
Ah. Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Then this shit happens!
Being that it was Friday, I had a bloody mary.
Unfortunately, had too much and started thinking I was a model.
Mario, Dove'x, Jodi, and Tony
Saturday, we walked from Broadway (in Van Ness) to Castro.
An Old man and 2Gay boys. The old guy was dancing alone showing his ass to everyone. Of course, the gay boys started dancing with him freaky. The old man didn't like it at all.
Returned to the hotel/inn to freshen up and change for the Pink Party. Tony Passed out, the day wasn't even over yet! Jodi practicing her moves in the hotel balcony.
Deciding that walking again was not an option, We took the bus.
Don't mind Jodi.