Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Underwear Follies

The other day I decided to venture out and buy myself some underwear. I don't particularly need new ones since I have plenty and they're all still pretty much wearable. For some odd reason, I tend to wear out my undies only on the spot between my scrotum and my little brown star. I forgot what it's called but I'm sure someone will enlighten me.

But I digress...I'm a boxers kinda man. I have been ever since I joined the military. We were issued tighty-brownies. I guess, they were brown for a reason. It gives the illusion of being clean after being worn for several days when out in a field environment. So who would know that they're dirty, unless ofcourse one would take a whiff. Sadly, I'm sure some of my gay comrades who were into such a thing would have been in a state of euphoria. Umm...Yuck! I've been trying to avoid anything tight since then. Except ofcourse, the occasional orifice. (Pardon my French!) For years, all I have bought were boxers. So the other night, I thought why not try a different kind. Being that it was 2 o'clock in the morning, the only store that was open was Walmart.

Thankfully, hardly anyone was there. Except for a few workers who were stocking the shelves and whatnot. Now a days, I get pretty much embarrassed when buying underwear. The package they come in. And I do mean PACKAGE (Semi naked men posing in the underwear they're trying to sell. One would think that you're at a gay porn store. Must be the marketing genius of a gay man. I mean think about it!) Not to mention, it was the wee hours. And I am susceptible to having woodies at that time of day. Ugh!

So there I was, browsing, when I felt the sensation (what do you expect!) as I was looking at boxer briefs then at bikinis, then back at boxer briefs, then at trunks. What? A thong! And someone, I mean something that looks like it's only a pouch that makes a bulge more pronounced. Wait! There's a leopard print tighty something with green eyes. I mean...OMG...I felt another sensation...This time of someone watching. It was this old lady wearing a walmart vest staring at me through her glasses.

Needless to say, I grabbed the first pack (boxer briefs) I could lay a hand on and hauled ass out of there. When I got home, I realized that I mistakenly taken size XXL, 4 sizes too big! And it didn't have any pictures! Damn heck would I go back and get an exchange. Instead, I've worn them. They're like regular boxer shorts, only that when I walk, they tend to fall down my ass.

Next time, I'm just going to stick with boxers (no pictures). Or just buy them from the internet.