Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Penis Troubles

Like all gay men, I like penis. And unlike heterosexual men, having one (your own) is never enough. I, along with all my gay brethren, have to have another. I'm not greedy. I just want one and a guy that comes along with it. But I am picky. Mind you, I'm not a size queen. Not in the traditional way, far from it. Size and shape are definitely important and I do have my preferences.

I have the fear of extremely large penises. While they're great to look at, the idea of what damage it can do gives me the chills. I like the idea of still keeping my vocal cords and lower intestines intact. That includes anything that I can't grip with one hand comfortably is totally out of the question. I like my anus to retain it's virginal qualities. Need I care to mention the lock jaw? I know that it's inevitable from time to time but a lock jaw from one ridiculously thick penis is extremely painful. And I have learned my lesson well.

Once while in a drunken haze, I greedily obliged to a guy's incessant moans and pleas of me giving him fellatio and that of mounting me. I gave in because I was extremely horny and accepted the idea that I might not get it up on account to my blood was so thin because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I should have passed out when I saw his monster. It was so long and thick that the first thing that came to mind was a baseball bat. I should have ran but it's immense size held me captive. I felt like I was in the presence of the supernatural. I was in awe. I was awaken from my stupor when my face was slapped with that thing!

I don't know what I was thinking when I dove in. The head itself was difficult for my mouth to encompass. The foolish soldier in me kept urging me on. I was not about to let an appendage beat me! No Pain No Gain! HOOAH! It wouldn't budge! I finally gave up the idea of deepthroating when I can only sustain 1/4 of it's length for fear of cutting my air flow. My brain was probably injured because we proceeded into playing 'hide the bat in a wallet'. We used 3/4 of a bottle of lube and what seemed like an hour before the thing finally went in. The horror! I was determined to stay awake the whole time. Fearing that if I do pass out, I would wake finding that my anal sphincter was now my mouth, literally!

Thank goodness the ordeal lasted only 3 minutes. Those measly minutes resulted in my bleeding for 3 days. My ass was so sore that even taking a dump required pain killers and a prayer said through clenched teeth. And for awhile, all I could eat were soup and soft foods. Chewing was out of the question. There I was, my colon rearranged, hurting like hell and I couldn't even complain about it!


I also don't like penises that curved extremely to the right, to the left, or bending backwards like it's head is too heavy for the shaft to hold even when erect. Do I have to even explain? No, I like my penises straight or slightly curving up. I'm fine with where my colon and intestines are situated right now. That's why I'm versatile. I have a back up plan when I'm faced with a situation involving uber penises.

Ofcourse, if I find that Mr. Right has the said type of penises...I just have to suck it up and drive on. I might as well practice unhinging my jaw and buy that butt-donut-thing (the one full of air) and master sign language. Or maybe con him in being the hole in our relationship.

Time will only tell. Besides, I like the idea of relaxing and having my feet pointing to the ceiling every now and then.