The last serious relationship I had was over six years ago. Brad, that was his name. I was 23, he was 46. I was madly in love with him. He filled something in me that was missing. I really thought he was the one. I didn't care that he was twice my age. I could give a fuck. He made me happy. He was the first one that made me realize a long term relationship was feasible. He was the reason why I stopped fucking around. He made me believe in monogamy. He changed my life forever.
It didn't last.
I found out he was cheating on me. Another Filipino guy. Apparently, he was a co-worker of his. To make matter worse, I ended up working with the guy.
One day, during lunch, I decided to go to Wendy's. Was walking up to the door, when I saw my new co-worker sitting by the glass wall a few feet from the entrance. I waved to him. Realizing that he wasn't alone, his lunchmate turned to look at me. It was Brad.
My heart fell to my stomach. I no longer felt hungry. But I was not about to show Brad how devastating the situation was for me. I opened the door and willed myself in the restaurant. My whole body was shaking that I had to grip the railing to keep me still. Upon receiving my order, I used up every once of determination not to go to their table or I might make a scene. I waited until I was at a red light before I let a tear come out.
At work, Mel asked me how I knew the guy he was with during lunch. I feigned innocence but then he told me that Brad told him. Not being able to get out of the situation, I told him that we were in a relationship. That we've broken up a few months ago. Mel, not fully aware, confirmed what I realized the moment I saw them. He was the other Filipino guy. He said that they started dating at such and such date. When they were both working at a feed store. Mel was a clerk, Brad was in accounting/finance.
I never told Mel that I was already in a 6 months relationship with Brad when they first met/dated. I was in too much of a shock. It's one thing to know that your boyfriend cheated on you, but to actually meet the other person? I wanted to tell him. I wanted to let him know that he's the fucking reason why I was fucking pissed at the world. But it would be unfair to solely put the blame on him. I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he never knew about me.
I often wonder what else Brad told him.
Five years later, I get in contact with the person who introduced me to Brad. Matt, he's a well-mannered, nice, pleasant, educated, and with good intentions kind of guy. I never was attracted to the guy. He's just someone that I had the chance to meet at a gay bar. It's a little disappointing that he didn't remember me. I kept driving the fact that he introduced me to Brad. When all of a sudden he remembers. He said, "Yeah, now I remember. Yep, you were dating Brad."
As an afterthought he added, "About the same time as Jonathan. This black dude that he was seeing. About the same time as you."
I know he didn't mean to be so callous. A person tend to spill everything out upon recollection of old memories stashed away. Like when you're in the closet trying to get that damn shirt you know you put away in the top shelf. When you pull it out, everything else comes crashing down.
No, he didn't mean to let it all out. It shouldn't bother me anyway. It's been six years!
So we casually talked about what we're doing. Mainly, what he's been up to these past few years. No, he hasn't heard from Brad for awhile now. We even decided to go to a movie and catch up. And so it is, we're going to the movies on Saturday. We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
Then I cried.