Please Don't Take Away My Gay Card!

Shit shit shit shit shit! I didn't mean to, but I think I did a very bad thing. A BIG NO NO! I may have been generous to someone who's homophobic. Dog fucking gone it! Yeah, file it under WTF Was I Thinking! (Personally, I think that file drawer is almost full.) There goes my Gay Karma.

Shit, I'm not going to have sex this year coming up! Not that I have been for the past 5 years. (And I don't need your pity.) I could have but chose not to fuck around. But now that I have done this heinous deed, I may not have that choice. I will be the Ultimate Gay Pariah! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

What is the deed, you ask? I'm not going to tell you. Am I being a Drama Queen? Why the fucking hell not? My Gay membership assures me that I get to have a Fabulous Gay Breakdown from time to time. Ack! I seriously need to think things through first before acting. I mean I should have learned from the 'tp' incident after rimming this one guy. Yuck! I mean I have done it plenty, I mean I...never mind.

Whew. Next!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Mischievous Boys

Just 4 Asian guys lip-synching (or try horribly) to pop songs. You have to at least watch one. It's sooo bad I'm sooo hooked. Never have I laughed so hard and felt horny afterwards. And to think that they live less than an hour away. I think I may actually have met one already (Joseph), he looks so darn familiar.

One video actually featured all of them--topless. I thought it was going to turn into some amateur gay porn! Haayyy! It didn't but it still got the job done. They're all hot! Still, it bothers me that they misspelled 'mischievous' as 'mischievious'. On purpose maybe? Oh well.

Roommate Quips #2

Sometime today @ work, I see Flea walking, mumbling to her self, and looking upset.

Me: What's wrong?
Flea: Nothing...
(I was going to go back to typing when...)
Flea: I'm just PMSing! (ahhh)
Me: (giving the "I really don't like to hear this one bit" look)
Flea: And I was craving chocolate but I pushed the wrong button and got a healthy fruit bar thingy!
Me: (I shouldn't...Oh well, started laughing out loud that if I were drinking something, I'm pretty sure it would shoot out of my nostrils)
Flea: Shut up! It was like a sign from God!

Yikes!

After 3 years of silence, I finally called my wife. At first, I tried to get my co-workers to call for me pretending to be insurance agents trying to confirm my marital status for some cheaper rate kinda deal, she didn't answer any of their calls. Apparently, she doesn't answer calls with blocked numbers. I guess I'm just so nosy that I want to know. Well, out of curiosity, I called her myself thinking she wouldn't answer the phone. Ofcourse, someone did. And it was a guy!?

GUY: Hello?
Me: (must be her dad) May I speak with _______?
GUY: Yeah, hold on.
Wife: Hello?
Me: _______?
Wife: Yes, who's this?
Me: Your HUSBAND!
Wife: OMG! Hey ___(GUY'S name) it's my husband! (then you hear baby crying)
Me: Who was that?
Wife: My BOYFRIEND and now you hear our 15 month old (THEIR) son.
Me: So you really want a divorce now, huh?


And so it goes. Blah, blah, blah...Fill in the blanks. Then it was decided that sometime next year (maybe March), I will be flying to Chicago to finalize our divorce. I should have known this would happen. I mean she did tell me last time we talked that she had a thing for giving head. I'm like HELLO! She is not a die hard lesbian after all.