I know you're back in Stockton, so you can stop pretending that you're in San Diego. Five freaking days! You lasted only five freaking days! What the fuck? I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this time things are different. Maybe this time you've finally understood what we (your family and friends) have been trying to tell you. SOBER THE FUCKING HELL UP and GET YOUR LIFE BACK IN ORDER!
I was happy when I saw you on my Birthday. FUCK! I was happier when you told me that you're going to San Diego, to live with your cousin so you could start a new. I WAS ECSTATIC. Finally, you would live your life to the fullest and not get bogged down by that shit you so crave. Where was the Tony that I fell in love with? What happened to him? I understand that everybody changes in time. I understand that you could never be that same guy again. I understand why you flaked that day. I understand that you love him more. I understand that you hate me for not calling you. I understand why you came back.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW YOU KEEP DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR FRIENDS?
Open your fucking eyes! If you think he loves you, he would not let you fucking ruin your life. Jeopardizing your health. He wouldn't let anything, and I mean anything, that would hollow out your whole being. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! HE JUST WANTS A COMPANION! SOMEONE TO JOIN HIM WHILE HE'S ROTTING IN HIS MISERABLE LIFE! That's why he's making sure you're hooked forever!
You know what? FUCK YOU FOR LETTING ME BELIEVE ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE SAID! FUCK YOU FOR HAVING ME WORRY OVER YOUR FUCKING HEALTH! FUCK YOU FOR GOING BACK TO HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN! FUCK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT THIS WILL NEVER GET IN YOUR HEAD! FUCK YOU FOR CHOOSING HIM! FUCK YOU FOR DANIEL, JODI, LAURA, STEPHANIE, NORM, MATT, MELODY, JILL, YOUR FAMILY, AND EVERYBODY ELSE THAT HOLD YOU SO DEAR! AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I STILL CARE FOR YOU!
Please get help. I'm begging you. I don't know how much more of this we could take.
Just call me when you're sober,