A Hard Pill

Friends. I love them all. I don't know what to do without them. They are there for support, to make your life interesting, laughs, encouragement, sometimes a pain in the ass, and sometimes a source of the bitter truth. They tell you things that you know but don't want to hear. It's a double edge sword, friends knowing you.

For the past past few months, almost all (ok, all of them) keep insisting that I get laid or something (I'm not quite clear about the 'something' part and I don't intend to ask them). So it leads me to believe that maybe I've been hella grumpy lately. Or maybe because I have stated that "I needed to get laid!" I can't decide which. It doesn't matter because I have been warned that they're going to hire a stripper for my birthday. I hope not! I'm not into SLEAZE! IF ANY OF YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS, NO STRIPPERS! Period!

Even acquaintances manage to give their shot at my non-existing love life. One, a straight guy, gave me pointers on how to "snag" the guy. Gave me all the details. How my first date should be going out to watch a movie or see a play, anything that involves not talking for long periods of time (I think he's giving me a hint here but I can't quite grasp it yet). Then offer to go get a drink at a place where I know some friends of mine would be present so my pseudo-date would see me interact with my friends. His words: "You're a cool guy, Jake. A really nice guy, charming, and funny. All of us think so. You just get nervous and clam up. So go to places where you'll be comfortable. Some place where your friends are. Once he sees you amongst your friends, you got him." He even offered to go with me to the local gay bar. It was very nice of him to say all those things but I was waiting for him to add something about my looks. Oh well, but I did appreciate the sentiment. Although, I doubt he was completely sincere. I had the suspicion he was trying to get me distracted so I can let my guard down. You see, I was one of my friends' cock blocker for the night!

That's not all! For some odd reason, lately, I have been told that I'm scared. First from a drunk friend. I let that one go because I thought she was just talking out of her ass. So I ignored her. Then another friend told me along the same lines that I'm scared. Then another. And another. Just last week, I have found out that my friends were actually discussing why I haven't dated for a long time. Their conclusion: is that I'm scared. No Fucking Way!

After all, I've had my heart broken several times. 3 were the worst kind (the ones where I was deeply committed). But each time I bounced back. Each time I feel the hope of 'the next one would be the one' dwindling. Then it became that before even each time happens, I think of why it wasn't going to last. I am damaged. I hate to admit it, but I am. For 4 years I've held on to something Brad (my last ex) gave to me. A key chain that looks like a buckle with the letter J in the middle. It reminded me of the good times that we shared and intimate yet private kisses that we gave each other whenever we're outside. It reminded me of his caress, him always wanting music playing when we're making love. It reminded me of how he would light up each time I sing to him whenever and where ever. And it still reminds me of the first time he told me that He loved me. Then the deceit and lies all comes back to me. Well how about that, it's only a silver key chain/buckle after all.

For more than 4 years I've held on to that trinket. 2 weeks ago, I gave it to one of my co-workers to get it out of my area, my life. She was happy to oblige.

It's a hard pill to swallow...Truth. It took me awhile. I'm not sure if I think that I'm now a better man because of it. But I can say this much, I've gained some hope back.

YIPPEE!

I got DSL! FINALLY!

Missed Opportunity?

Today, during lunch, I went to the gas station to buy bottled water and a newspaper. At first, it was like any other day. I'd go inside, grab a Dasani in the cooler, check out which paper catches my eye, and pay for my purchases. It wasn't. Instead something weird happened. Oh, it's not like I suddenly heard angels or a prophecy unfolded right before my eyes, something else. I didn't see Elvis buying coffee either.

As I was about to get my water, another guy jumped infront of me and opened the cooler right before the one where the bottled waters were. I thought, How rude! I was going to say something when the guy turned to face me, then that sudden feeling of familiarization hit me. I know this fucker. A very clear and concrete image of him laughing and a conversation we had came to mind. I don't think it was deja vu. I knew that it happened. This is justified because the guy did a double take, he actually eyed me up and down. It looked like he was about to say something when instead I opened the cooler and took out my bottled water of choice. I didn't know what to say. Ofcourse, I clammed up and became so aloof, he must have thought I had something up my ass.

What the hell was wrong with me? It's not like he would think that I am hitting on him when I ask if I knew him from somewhere. Besides, I have a good memory when it comes to faces and names. I mean he did act like he recognize me as well. No harm done, right? The feeling got stronger. I do know him, but where? So when were on line, I had another opportunity to say something. And so did he...

We paid for our stuff at the same time. He gave me one last look, a restrained one. I also gave him one last look, bit my tongue and left the store.

I wonder what he was going to say. Still, the image of him laughing and talking lingers in my head. Maybe it was just my imagination after all. But I can't shake it out of my head.

The Best Thing That My Older Brother Has Ever Done

My God-Daughter (and niece). Isn't she sooooo cute?!


Grandma (mom) and Kate.



Updated 1/12/05...
OK! Finally got it to show! Sheesh, sometimes I feel like an idiot!

Started Out With A Bang?

Well, it's a new year y'all! I'm really looking forward to this one...I'm turning 28 this year! My birth date? 2-8-'77. Get it? Also, right after my b-day, the year of the Cock (I mean Rooster) begins! Say, I think it's an omen! Which leads me to how my new year began.

Right after calling my friends to greet them a happy new year, my cell rang. A local number that I've never seen before. Weird. Well, I answered the phone and it went like this:

ME: Who's this?
STRANGER: Hey!
ME: Who IS this?
STRANGER: Happy New Year!
ME: ...oooOOO(Wow, it's a guy!)
STRANGER: It's me, ___! (also known as DFPBB) (I wrote about him a few months ago. You can read it here.)
ME: What the fuck are you calling me you fucking asshole? (I was shocked I didn't know what to say!)
DFPBB (formerly known as STRANGER): I'm just calling you to say, "Happy New Year!"
ME: Are you fucking teasing me? You freaking ass!
DFPBB: No! I just wanted to greet you!
ME: ...oooOOO(Good lord, he's drunk!)
ME: Oh! Did ____(DFPBB's best friend, my co-worker) put you up to this?
DFPBB: No!
ME: Ummm...Ok. Happy New Year to you too asshole! Actually, you just made my year!
DFPBB: Awww.
ME: Thank You! Ass!
DFPBB: Ok, I gotta go.
ME: OK, thanks!

Immediately afterwards, I called my co-worker and asked if he put DFPBB up to it. And to my joy, he said no. DFPBB had asked him for my number. Yeah right! By the sound of them both, they're drunk and thought it would be fun to get me all excited. Ha! DFPBB had it coming!

Text Messages that followed:

ME: Fucking cockteaser! :-O

DFPBB: Whatever! :-)

ME: LOL

ME: U know I don't use my teeth. Unless u want me 2.

DFPBB: Haha. That's just wrong. :-)

ME: Umm Sorry coz I have all of my teeth, Dog Faced Poo Butt Bitch (DFPBB)! :-* {This text was in reference to the lady that he had in the back seat of his car, that gave him a bj}

ME: So, what's this I hear that now u want me 2 toss? IM game! I can multi-task. Im great with my tongue!

DFPBB: Haha...You're a trip jake.

ME: Aww...U make my brown star twinkle! (_*_)

ME: IM a trip? Wait 'till I ride on U! HA HA!


So far, that's it. I had to give him some time to process. Who's fucking who now? Gosh, I just hope he takes the bite! LOL. A lovely start for the year indeed!