Myheritage.com Thinks I Should Be A Drag Queen!

Well, I came across one of my friends (Kevin) friend's myspace profile and saw a collage of celebrities he looked like. It looked fun. Who doesn't want to see who they looked like? I submitted one of my photos. Here are the results:



Apparently, I my face is more feminine-like. What the fuck! 6 out of 8 faces were of women! And the males? Corey Feldman? Ugh! And who is this Vytautas Landsbergis? Well, he's Lithuanian for one. And more from here. Like you care. One thing's for sure, if indeed I dress up in drag one of this days, I would be fuckable! Imagine looking like Lucy Liu (hmmm), Janeane Garofalo (not when she's a blonde, lay off the bleach!), or Queen Latifah (before the breast reduction of course)! Maybe it's a mistake.

So I tried another photo:


Kevin Mitnick (yeah another one)? Nathan Lane (So gay!)? Macaulay Culkin? Argh! Yet still, majority of the faces are females! 5 out of 8!!!!! Still hot as a chick though. I'm not yet convinced! I'm still thinking it's a fluke.

So I sent in another one:


HALLELUJAH! I'll take it! 59% Viggo Mortensen! 48% Brad Pitt! 52% Jamie Cullum! And the proverbial pussy in the batch, 48% Diane Keaton! Line up y'all! I'll start practicing my autograph from here on!

Dedicated to "R"

"Gone" by Kelly Clarkson

What you see's not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
No way to tell what's real from what isn't there
Your eyes they sparkle
That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain
You washed away the best of me
You don't care

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hit and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone

What you see's not what you get
What you see's not what you get

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone
Already gone
I'm gone


P.S. Stop calling!

A letter to Someone

Tonight, I was going through my things trying to look for some paperwork I thought I brought with me when I moved out of my parent's house. I spent hours trying to look for that darn thing. Nada! Instead, I found one of my notebooks and decided to flip through the pages. It seemed that I wrote a letter 7 years ago. An open letter. Good lord, I'm such a geek! Well here it goes:

June 2000

Hi! You must think I'm crazy. I mean who would do such a thing? Writing to somebody who's not real. Well I guess that's me.

Anyway, I'm 5'7", black hair, brown eyes, 155 lbs, medium built, and tan complected. By the way I'm a man. A man who's looking for Mr. Right. And hopefully that's you.

I'm very nice, you could even ask my friends. Although they would say different other things. Some I would rather not dwell upon.

I'm 22 yrs old. Aquarian. Part poet, part romantic. I would easily cry at movies also laugh loudly. Can't say that I'm handsome but I've been told that I am cute, even okay looking.

I love reading books, especially by Kurt Vonnegut and Robert Jordan. I love Catch-22 and others of the sort. I also love writing poetry, most of them about tragic love. I drink on the weekends. Go clubbing with friends. Basically, what a normal 22 yr old would do.

I'm looking for a guy who's a man yet sensitive, modest, likes my friends (at least gets along with them), neat, taller than me, nice eyes, nice smile, and always around.

I don't really look for a certain age/body/group. I've found myself attracted to different types of guys. Although it matters most if they are healthy. Hopefully, one day, I'll meet that man. I've been searching for him since I had come out, 3 years ago. So far, I haven't been lucky. To me, it seems that all men are dogs, just plain promiscuous. The ones that I do fall for are either straight (hetero), disappointing, not interested, or just not available.

I'm in the military. The military is not a good place for me. Everywhere I turn, I see good looking guys. It is hard for me to concentrate. Really.

I've had my share of "Trades". So-called straight guys wanting to try the other way. Mostly blowjobs, and they do come for seconds, and thirds, and fourths, and so on. But all they are looking for is a quick nut. A saying they all actually share is this: "I'm just a squirrel in this world. Just trying to bust a nut." So whenever they come knocking at my door, I happily comply. What can be more stimulating to a gay guy than a straight" man's company? Like I said, I have had plenty of my share.

To me, the military is a breeding ground for freaks, bisexuals, and homosexuals. Believe me, there are a lot of Freaks. As for Bi(s) and Homos, well, soldiers love to get drunk. When intoxicated, soldiers do a lot of things they never thought they would. This is where the experienced fags work the fields. Is is bad, I admit but it is true.

One of them (gay guy) would start out by asking a group of drunken soldiers a hypothetical question that would root out guys that would be willing to "experiment".
One of them is this: "What if you were in a room,a dark room with no lights, can't even see beyond inches of your face. When all of a sudden, your dick is being sucked. It feels good. You reach out and you find out it's a guy that's giving you head What would you do?" This in turn would lead to a pause, sometimes short, other times long. Giving time to those being asked to think carefully, then add, "Now you remember that you cannot see the person blowing you Would you stop it then and there or would you let it go on?"

Answers would differ but there is at least someone who would say that he would let it go on. That same person would be the target of the night. He is from now on, marked and sooner or later, a done deal. May sound easy, cliche even. But I have seen this tactic played right in front of me. Much to my surprise. It's so blatantly obvious to me. Then again, we are talking about drunk and horny soldiers.

The first time I had sex with a "hetero", I was shocked by how tender and passionate his love making was. I was expecting rough sex, being manhandled even But his caresses were light, sure, and he would constantly ask if I was comfortable. I, being the crazy one as can be, just started shouting to make it harder and to talk dirty to me. Afterwards, I was embarrass when my hormones subsided. I still, to this day, could see his face. Eyes wide, face blushed, and a big smile on his face. It was his first time and I was so happy because he enjoyed it. From then on, we had sex every 2 weeks. When his girlfriend goes to her Army national guard unit for her drill. It didn't hurt the fact that he was in the same unit as I was. Life is grand, isn't it.

That too didn't last. 6 months later, he got orders to go to Korea. Good things never last. We had fun the next 4 months. Him and his girlfriend broke up So I had him all to myself. He never did tell me why they broke up. I didn't want to bring it up. Besides, I was at the good end of the bargain, why ruin it?

I miss him. Hopefully we would meet again.

The next time I had relations with a "straight" guy, I fell in love. I fell so hard, I have bruises in my mind. He was the first one to break my heart.

I'll explain next time. Going to bed.

Always,
Jake

Re-reading the darn thing made me realize how shallow I was. Am I still? And the grammar! I almost feel like I was reading something some trashy fag wrote who lived in the valley! Here's hoping that I've outgrown it. It's funny. You could tell that the letter was influence by the age of AOL chat rooms!

As Requested...A Turn For the Worst

My ex (if you would call him that) recently sent me an email stating (and I quote), "you should add the FUCK me then Leave me part too ! NO ? Aww that mite make you look bad O Thats right !!!!" (Nope, no mistake from my part. Everything was copied verbatim.)

Sadly, it did happen that way. We finally had sex, then I dumped him less than a week later. He proceeded to point it out that all I was after was his virgin booty (which I highly doubt and will further explain). You can look at it that way. But hear this, I broke up with him because of the stupid comment he made right after we fucked (I'm not going to say made love 'coz that would only imply something grand.) Which incidentally is as follows:

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE USED A CONDOM SO YOU WOULD HAVE CUMMED."

For him, it wasn't a big deal. He left messages stating that it was said out of TRUST. He didn't say anything wrong. Why was I blaming him for the break-up? I was the love of his life. The things I put him through because I broke up with him and all because of that little stupid comment. I killed him. I took advantage of him. I broke his heart.

Ask yourself what century do we live in. Would you say that to someone you've only dated for almost 2 months? Would you really trust someone so soon to go bareback? Are you fucking out of your mind?

It gets sadder and more pitiful. My vindication. The email further stated,

"Well anyhoo, hear Go's, this is just for me ! my closure !! i wasn't gana tell you this so i could play the Totall victim! but i so need this ! the $2 G's i spent on my New Dell was being saved for your B-Day Prezz ! i was taking you to Hawaii ! "SURPRIZE" but hears the big one ! The sunday you Were gone Randy Called and was house sitting for a frind, he asked me to come Hang out and i did. We hade SEX ! while we were still Together! that was a first cheat for me and it was on you ! Crazzy Timing LOL But i beet you ! bet this will help you to feel better ! i was the first one to FuckUP Jake !" (again, all verbatim)

Did he think that missing out on going to Hawaii would make me feel like an ass? I'm independent. I can pay for my own. Spend it on yourself. I never asked anything of monetary value. Was that what he thought? Pity. Ah, and him cheating on me. That was the icing on the cake. Definitely an eye opener. I should be mad but instead, I feel relieved and disappointed. Relieved because it just made my decision justifiable. And disappointed because I really thought he was a great guy and still wanted him to be a friend. In hindsight, I wasn't surprised with the cheating part. I've caught him changing his stories on several occasions.

Good riddance!

How To Tell Someone You've Been Dating That You Just Want To Be Friends

In the last few months, I've managed to jump back into the dating pool. Five long years since my last long term relationship. Five long years, I've yearned to be with someone. Five long years, I've distrusted men. Five long years, I've been lonely.

So you could imagine my being hesitant. The prospect of getting to know someone. To let him handle your fragile heart. Sadly, being self-blinded with the "Woe Is Me" syndrome, I forgot that I wasn't the only one with the fragile heart.

A few months back, I realize that I was being stupid. Remembering a quote from Ally McBeal, "Love is just like a game. You'll never win if you don't play." (Yeah, so gay. Which incidentally, was delivered by none other than Dame Edna.) Then I thought, to hell with the past! Things happen for a reason, you live in the present to learn from them so you can have a better future. (So much psychobabble, I know.)

Next thing you know, I sent an email asking someone out. A few weeks passed, got their phone number, left messages twice, talked to him for days, then we finally met. I was lucky. He turned out to be nice, cute, loving, and a wonderful guy. And I have to say that he knew how to kiss. I take it back, He is a great guy. I was happy, ecstatic even. Time spent with him was relaxing. He's the type of guy that makes you feel so comfortable to be in your own skin. And I was.

Don't get me wrong, the relationship wasn't perfect. Little by little, I got to know him better. And little by little, things started bothering me. But I didn't let them be such a big deal. A kiss from him, makes them all disappear. What a feeling!

Just as things were going along fine, a moment happens. Something you would see when watching a Jerry Seinfeld episode. Something stupid, something remotely incomprehensible was said. I could have just blown it off. The kisses stopped working. I mean, he's a great guy, what the fuck was I thinking? But just like Jerry, I could not let it go. And just like a switch, I was turned off. Mulling things over for a few days just made it worse. It bothered me the more I thought about it. Of course, I asked my friends what they thought. All of them agreed that I should break it to him gently. But soon before he falls deeply.

What a fine thing to say. I, who have had his heart broken many times over, know how it would feel. I couldn't do it to him. For Pete's sake! His birthday is less than 2 weeks away! What if I'm just being stupid? What if I'm only having cold feet? What if I'm going to make the biggest mistake of my life by letting him go? But like a bucket of cold water, I realize I can not get over it. Not to mention, it would be unfair to him and more hurtful if I keep up with the charade.

Part of me hoped that he would take it in stride, shrug and happily take my offer of friendship without so much of a hassle. In a perfect world. I hate it. I don't want to do it. I wished he would change his mind and without any warning, tell me instead that he's breaking up with me. In my dreams. In the end, I had to do it.

I called him and right away, he sensed that something was awry. While my whole body was shaking and my heart racing, I told him what I felt. He hung up. A few text messages later, me offering friendship and he with angry replies. I understood his anger. Fuck! I would be angry at myself! He said mean things, things I would have said if I were in his shoes. I deserved each hateful comment. I would own it if it helps him.

And I am very sincere when I told him that I didn't want to lose him completely. I truly am.

Fuck! I feel like shit!