Are you freaking kidding me? You have to watch!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Almost There
It never occured to me that my last break up would be such an issue. I did like the guy but things weren't just meant to be. I was somewhat relieved that I once again single. I guess if one was single for such a long time (5 years), one just get accustomed to the fact. So, I wasn't really devastated when we broke up.
That is until one November day, stepping on a scale did I find out that I weighed 205 lbs! What the fuck? How in the heck did I get that big? I was afraid of going to Monterey Aquarium to see Shamu for fear of being mistaken as one of its prey. Ugh! First time that I ever broke 200. Holy shit! After carefully examining what I was doing before the weigh in, I realize that my eating habits turned for the worse around the time Robert and I broke up. An ice cream here and there. An extra trip to the buffet line. An extra serving of chow mein...You get the drift.
I guess, it did have an impact. It didn't help that he found a replacement less than two weeks. I was just such in denial that my mind comforted itself by eating. It was profound. I was such an idiot and too full of pride to admit that it didn't bother me.
By late November, early December, I went on a diet. And I tell you, that was such a stupid idea. Why would anybody start a diet right when the holidays are in full swing? Don't ask me. But I was determined. I lost a few pounds. Not much but it was enough to give me a boost.
A week after my 30th birthday, I enrolled myself to the gym. Prepaid 3 years of membership with 24hour Fitness. Yeah, 3 years! I want to make sure that I make myself feel guilty spending that much. My motivation.
Since then (counting my weight in November) I have lost 30 pounds. Shocking to me. I am back to weighing 175! Patting myself on my back. Friends and co-workers (old and new) have noticed. Thank goodness, because I will beat them to death if they didn't say anything. I do feel good and look so much better.
But I'm not done yet. My goal is to go back to 160-163. My weight right before leaving the Military. I can't wait! I'm already wearing size 32 pants.
That is until one November day, stepping on a scale did I find out that I weighed 205 lbs! What the fuck? How in the heck did I get that big? I was afraid of going to Monterey Aquarium to see Shamu for fear of being mistaken as one of its prey. Ugh! First time that I ever broke 200. Holy shit! After carefully examining what I was doing before the weigh in, I realize that my eating habits turned for the worse around the time Robert and I broke up. An ice cream here and there. An extra trip to the buffet line. An extra serving of chow mein...You get the drift.
I guess, it did have an impact. It didn't help that he found a replacement less than two weeks. I was just such in denial that my mind comforted itself by eating. It was profound. I was such an idiot and too full of pride to admit that it didn't bother me.
By late November, early December, I went on a diet. And I tell you, that was such a stupid idea. Why would anybody start a diet right when the holidays are in full swing? Don't ask me. But I was determined. I lost a few pounds. Not much but it was enough to give me a boost.
A week after my 30th birthday, I enrolled myself to the gym. Prepaid 3 years of membership with 24hour Fitness. Yeah, 3 years! I want to make sure that I make myself feel guilty spending that much. My motivation.
Since then (counting my weight in November) I have lost 30 pounds. Shocking to me. I am back to weighing 175! Patting myself on my back. Friends and co-workers (old and new) have noticed. Thank goodness, because I will beat them to death if they didn't say anything. I do feel good and look so much better.
But I'm not done yet. My goal is to go back to 160-163. My weight right before leaving the Military. I can't wait! I'm already wearing size 32 pants.
Friday, June 01, 2007
I See You Toners...
Could it be? In his page he states that he's not with "Him" anymore. I'm not going to lie, I'm so happy for Toners. Is this finally IT? Has he cut the cord permanently? It does look like the real thing. He's already looking so much better than when I last saw him. Handsome as ever. I am quite sure he's going to find someone more worthy of his love. I wish him the best. Truly.
Although, I felt bad upon reading his blog to find out that he's been in the hospital. If I had known, I would have been there. Forget that I said I was not going to ever talk to him unless he's sober. I'm just glad that he's healthier. After reading the first few paragraphs, it gave me quite a scare. I'm such a dumbass. I'm sorry.
Toners, you're on the right track. Just keep in mind that all (AND I DO MEAN ALL) of your friends, even the ones that you think have given up on you, will be there IF EVER YOU CALL.
Although, I felt bad upon reading his blog to find out that he's been in the hospital. If I had known, I would have been there. Forget that I said I was not going to ever talk to him unless he's sober. I'm just glad that he's healthier. After reading the first few paragraphs, it gave me quite a scare. I'm such a dumbass. I'm sorry.
Toners, you're on the right track. Just keep in mind that all (AND I DO MEAN ALL) of your friends, even the ones that you think have given up on you, will be there IF EVER YOU CALL.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Night of Potential(s)...
I guess it's bound to happen sooner or later. I got two numbers tonight. One I would not count as surprising since I've known him for more than 6 years. But the other, now that's something.
The day started out slow. Woke up very late. Did some chores. Worked out. Then went out to meet some friends who were visiting from Long Beach. I didn't get there until 12:30. Exchanged pleasantries and immediately find out that my friend is trying to hook me up with this guy. I'm shy. So embarrassed that my friend was doing his impression of cupid. What the heck? I tried to be coy. Smiling every now and then. I pretty much ignored him. I mean, what if he didn't like me and was just trying to be all nice about it with my friend? Better be the one acting all nonchalant. Oh well, I didn't go out to meet some guy. I'm actually there to meet friends.
Anyway, by the end of the night, he came by and gave me his number. I wasn't expecting it. I could imagine how much courage he had to muster, trying to decide how to approach me. I have to give him points, he got some balls. Not to mention making my night much better than normal. I would definitely call him sometime this week.
Thanks Danners!
The day started out slow. Woke up very late. Did some chores. Worked out. Then went out to meet some friends who were visiting from Long Beach. I didn't get there until 12:30. Exchanged pleasantries and immediately find out that my friend is trying to hook me up with this guy. I'm shy. So embarrassed that my friend was doing his impression of cupid. What the heck? I tried to be coy. Smiling every now and then. I pretty much ignored him. I mean, what if he didn't like me and was just trying to be all nice about it with my friend? Better be the one acting all nonchalant. Oh well, I didn't go out to meet some guy. I'm actually there to meet friends.
Anyway, by the end of the night, he came by and gave me his number. I wasn't expecting it. I could imagine how much courage he had to muster, trying to decide how to approach me. I have to give him points, he got some balls. Not to mention making my night much better than normal. I would definitely call him sometime this week.
Thanks Danners!
Monday, March 26, 2007
A LETTER TO ANTHONY GOMEZ
Yo Tony!
I know you're back in Stockton, so you can stop pretending that you're in San Diego. Five freaking days! You lasted only five freaking days! What the fuck? I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this time things are different. Maybe this time you've finally understood what we (your family and friends) have been trying to tell you. SOBER THE FUCKING HELL UP and GET YOUR LIFE BACK IN ORDER!
I was happy when I saw you on my Birthday. FUCK! I was happier when you told me that you're going to San Diego, to live with your cousin so you could start a new. I WAS ECSTATIC. Finally, you would live your life to the fullest and not get bogged down by that shit you so crave. Where was the Tony that I fell in love with? What happened to him? I understand that everybody changes in time. I understand that you could never be that same guy again. I understand why you flaked that day. I understand that you love him more. I understand that you hate me for not calling you. I understand why you came back.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW YOU KEEP DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR FRIENDS?
Open your fucking eyes! If you think he loves you, he would not let you fucking ruin your life. Jeopardizing your health. He wouldn't let anything, and I mean anything, that would hollow out your whole being. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! HE JUST WANTS A COMPANION! SOMEONE TO JOIN HIM WHILE HE'S ROTTING IN HIS MISERABLE LIFE! That's why he's making sure you're hooked forever!
You know what? FUCK YOU FOR LETTING ME BELIEVE ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE SAID! FUCK YOU FOR HAVING ME WORRY OVER YOUR FUCKING HEALTH! FUCK YOU FOR GOING BACK TO HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN! FUCK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT THIS WILL NEVER GET IN YOUR HEAD! FUCK YOU FOR CHOOSING HIM! FUCK YOU FOR DANIEL, JODI, LAURA, STEPHANIE, NORM, MATT, MELODY, JILL, YOUR FAMILY, AND EVERYBODY ELSE THAT HOLD YOU SO DEAR! AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I STILL CARE FOR YOU!
Please get help. I'm begging you. I don't know how much more of this we could take.
Just call me when you're sober,
Jake
I know you're back in Stockton, so you can stop pretending that you're in San Diego. Five freaking days! You lasted only five freaking days! What the fuck? I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this time things are different. Maybe this time you've finally understood what we (your family and friends) have been trying to tell you. SOBER THE FUCKING HELL UP and GET YOUR LIFE BACK IN ORDER!
I was happy when I saw you on my Birthday. FUCK! I was happier when you told me that you're going to San Diego, to live with your cousin so you could start a new. I WAS ECSTATIC. Finally, you would live your life to the fullest and not get bogged down by that shit you so crave. Where was the Tony that I fell in love with? What happened to him? I understand that everybody changes in time. I understand that you could never be that same guy again. I understand why you flaked that day. I understand that you love him more. I understand that you hate me for not calling you. I understand why you came back.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW YOU KEEP DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR FRIENDS?
Open your fucking eyes! If you think he loves you, he would not let you fucking ruin your life. Jeopardizing your health. He wouldn't let anything, and I mean anything, that would hollow out your whole being. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! HE JUST WANTS A COMPANION! SOMEONE TO JOIN HIM WHILE HE'S ROTTING IN HIS MISERABLE LIFE! That's why he's making sure you're hooked forever!
You know what? FUCK YOU FOR LETTING ME BELIEVE ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE SAID! FUCK YOU FOR HAVING ME WORRY OVER YOUR FUCKING HEALTH! FUCK YOU FOR GOING BACK TO HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN! FUCK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT THIS WILL NEVER GET IN YOUR HEAD! FUCK YOU FOR CHOOSING HIM! FUCK YOU FOR DANIEL, JODI, LAURA, STEPHANIE, NORM, MATT, MELODY, JILL, YOUR FAMILY, AND EVERYBODY ELSE THAT HOLD YOU SO DEAR! AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I STILL CARE FOR YOU!
Please get help. I'm begging you. I don't know how much more of this we could take.
Just call me when you're sober,
Jake
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Porn Connections
Ya, definitely got your attention. Not me mind you. Oh, it's not that I abhor anything porn. Quite the opposite. I love porn. I'm not just porn quality material. Probably the home video kind, one you would surely hope to not get leaked out! There's probably a video of me there somewhere floating around. The security-video-grainy kind thing. But that's another story. I'm here to write about my Porn Connections. Nothing juicy, just matter of fact.
PORN CONNECTION #1
When I was in the Army, while stationed in Fort Bragg, NC. I used to know this guy. He's airborn, gung-ho. And more importantly a big HO! I used to run into him at the local gay bar as well as in Raleigh. He's definitely cute and charming. Blond hair. Fucking nice body. And a winning smile. A year after I got out did I finally get to realize how much of a HO he was when I stumbled upon a video he did for Active Duty. No, not the one that was just a few years old. It was back in 1998-99. The first time Fort Bragg was shocked to learn that some of it's Airborn guys are practicing homos and getting paid for it. Yeah, they're delusional!
PORN CONNECTION #2
Again, while in the Army, I used to frequently "hang-out" (he was not a fuck buddy, although we have messed around quite a bit) with this guy who models hair. He wasn't extraordinary in the looks department but something about him made him extra special. This guy gets laid practically everyday. I know because the times that I go over to his house to "hang out", guys would be dropping in or just leaving. And pretty much confirmed by his roommate. Anyway, he gave great head. He has to because he moonlighted as a fluffer.
PORN CONNECTION #3
My ex-roommate's boyfriend (who won a wet briefs contest in San Fran) used to hang out with drag queens, knows Sister Roma, and other members of the porn industry. He has mentioned on several occasion how big of a nelly Michael Brandon really is, not to mention a good guy. And has promised to take me to a mansion somewhere north of San Fran, where the hot porn and non-porn guys hang out to chill clad with nothing more than a speedo/trunks. Ya, I am so there!
PORN CONNECTION #4
A female great friend of mine is currently dating/living with this great guy who used to work for Hot House. Not as a model (although, I have teased him plenty of times that he looked like Jeff Palmer) but tweaked their website. I think he even mentioned that he was the one that did the opening credits for the film Skuff or was it SHOCKER (I'm not even sure if Shocker was for Hot House). I can't remember. But he too constantly asks if I wanted to meet any of the guys. I refused. I didn't believe him at first. He's straight and bulgarian. I thought maybe he didn't know what he was saying, or the least, I didn't know what he was saying (thick accent). Until last year @ San Fran, he was stopped by Dick Wolfe and had a quick chat. He also knows Sister Roma. And tells me that Alex Collack has constantly made fun of him for developing a tiny pooch (beer belly). Which made my friend start going back to the gym.
PORN CONNECTION #5
And currently just realized... I used to talk to this guy who I just found out did porn. No he didn't do porn while I was talking to him. It was after. Am not entirely surprised. He is good looking and charming. I'm not saying that anyone who is charming and good looking is going to end up doing porn, he just had the persona. And the dick. He had one of the nicest cocks I have ever laid my mouth on. Twice. But he was a slut. He was "talking" to four other guys. As luck would have it, we live in a small town and as the weeks progressed, one by one I learned of them. I wasn't mad. We weren't dating. No talks of exclusivity. In fact, I don't ever recall asking him if he was seeing other guys. The thing that broke the deal for me was when I caught him in a lip-lock with one of my friends. Nope, not surprised at all. Now, if I can only get a hold of the video!
PORN CONNECTION #1
When I was in the Army, while stationed in Fort Bragg, NC. I used to know this guy. He's airborn, gung-ho. And more importantly a big HO! I used to run into him at the local gay bar as well as in Raleigh. He's definitely cute and charming. Blond hair. Fucking nice body. And a winning smile. A year after I got out did I finally get to realize how much of a HO he was when I stumbled upon a video he did for Active Duty. No, not the one that was just a few years old. It was back in 1998-99. The first time Fort Bragg was shocked to learn that some of it's Airborn guys are practicing homos and getting paid for it. Yeah, they're delusional!
PORN CONNECTION #2
Again, while in the Army, I used to frequently "hang-out" (he was not a fuck buddy, although we have messed around quite a bit) with this guy who models hair. He wasn't extraordinary in the looks department but something about him made him extra special. This guy gets laid practically everyday. I know because the times that I go over to his house to "hang out", guys would be dropping in or just leaving. And pretty much confirmed by his roommate. Anyway, he gave great head. He has to because he moonlighted as a fluffer.
PORN CONNECTION #3
My ex-roommate's boyfriend (who won a wet briefs contest in San Fran) used to hang out with drag queens, knows Sister Roma, and other members of the porn industry. He has mentioned on several occasion how big of a nelly Michael Brandon really is, not to mention a good guy. And has promised to take me to a mansion somewhere north of San Fran, where the hot porn and non-porn guys hang out to chill clad with nothing more than a speedo/trunks. Ya, I am so there!
PORN CONNECTION #4
A female great friend of mine is currently dating/living with this great guy who used to work for Hot House. Not as a model (although, I have teased him plenty of times that he looked like Jeff Palmer) but tweaked their website. I think he even mentioned that he was the one that did the opening credits for the film Skuff or was it SHOCKER (I'm not even sure if Shocker was for Hot House). I can't remember. But he too constantly asks if I wanted to meet any of the guys. I refused. I didn't believe him at first. He's straight and bulgarian. I thought maybe he didn't know what he was saying, or the least, I didn't know what he was saying (thick accent). Until last year @ San Fran, he was stopped by Dick Wolfe and had a quick chat. He also knows Sister Roma. And tells me that Alex Collack has constantly made fun of him for developing a tiny pooch (beer belly). Which made my friend start going back to the gym.
PORN CONNECTION #5
And currently just realized... I used to talk to this guy who I just found out did porn. No he didn't do porn while I was talking to him. It was after. Am not entirely surprised. He is good looking and charming. I'm not saying that anyone who is charming and good looking is going to end up doing porn, he just had the persona. And the dick. He had one of the nicest cocks I have ever laid my mouth on. Twice. But he was a slut. He was "talking" to four other guys. As luck would have it, we live in a small town and as the weeks progressed, one by one I learned of them. I wasn't mad. We weren't dating. No talks of exclusivity. In fact, I don't ever recall asking him if he was seeing other guys. The thing that broke the deal for me was when I caught him in a lip-lock with one of my friends. Nope, not surprised at all. Now, if I can only get a hold of the video!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Downhill from Here
| Your Birthdate: February 8 |
 Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money. You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet. A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job. Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss. Your strength: Your undying determination Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle Your power color: Plum Your power symbol: Dollar sign Your power month: August |
OK, I'm 30. I am now in a different age group. Here goes...
Update: I bought a new car (another SUV). I got a new phone (Blackberry Pearl!). Still have not move to Sacramento! But that's in the works. I'm going to San Francisco this weekend to celebrate. Still yet to find Mr. Chess. Dog gone it!
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