Are you freaking kidding me? You have to watch!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Almost There
It never occured to me that my last break up would be such an issue. I did like the guy but things weren't just meant to be. I was somewhat relieved that I once again single. I guess if one was single for such a long time (5 years), one just get accustomed to the fact. So, I wasn't really devastated when we broke up.
That is until one November day, stepping on a scale did I find out that I weighed 205 lbs! What the fuck? How in the heck did I get that big? I was afraid of going to Monterey Aquarium to see Shamu for fear of being mistaken as one of its prey. Ugh! First time that I ever broke 200. Holy shit! After carefully examining what I was doing before the weigh in, I realize that my eating habits turned for the worse around the time Robert and I broke up. An ice cream here and there. An extra trip to the buffet line. An extra serving of chow mein...You get the drift.
I guess, it did have an impact. It didn't help that he found a replacement less than two weeks. I was just such in denial that my mind comforted itself by eating. It was profound. I was such an idiot and too full of pride to admit that it didn't bother me.
By late November, early December, I went on a diet. And I tell you, that was such a stupid idea. Why would anybody start a diet right when the holidays are in full swing? Don't ask me. But I was determined. I lost a few pounds. Not much but it was enough to give me a boost.
A week after my 30th birthday, I enrolled myself to the gym. Prepaid 3 years of membership with 24hour Fitness. Yeah, 3 years! I want to make sure that I make myself feel guilty spending that much. My motivation.
Since then (counting my weight in November) I have lost 30 pounds. Shocking to me. I am back to weighing 175! Patting myself on my back. Friends and co-workers (old and new) have noticed. Thank goodness, because I will beat them to death if they didn't say anything. I do feel good and look so much better.
But I'm not done yet. My goal is to go back to 160-163. My weight right before leaving the Military. I can't wait! I'm already wearing size 32 pants.
That is until one November day, stepping on a scale did I find out that I weighed 205 lbs! What the fuck? How in the heck did I get that big? I was afraid of going to Monterey Aquarium to see Shamu for fear of being mistaken as one of its prey. Ugh! First time that I ever broke 200. Holy shit! After carefully examining what I was doing before the weigh in, I realize that my eating habits turned for the worse around the time Robert and I broke up. An ice cream here and there. An extra trip to the buffet line. An extra serving of chow mein...You get the drift.
I guess, it did have an impact. It didn't help that he found a replacement less than two weeks. I was just such in denial that my mind comforted itself by eating. It was profound. I was such an idiot and too full of pride to admit that it didn't bother me.
By late November, early December, I went on a diet. And I tell you, that was such a stupid idea. Why would anybody start a diet right when the holidays are in full swing? Don't ask me. But I was determined. I lost a few pounds. Not much but it was enough to give me a boost.
A week after my 30th birthday, I enrolled myself to the gym. Prepaid 3 years of membership with 24hour Fitness. Yeah, 3 years! I want to make sure that I make myself feel guilty spending that much. My motivation.
Since then (counting my weight in November) I have lost 30 pounds. Shocking to me. I am back to weighing 175! Patting myself on my back. Friends and co-workers (old and new) have noticed. Thank goodness, because I will beat them to death if they didn't say anything. I do feel good and look so much better.
But I'm not done yet. My goal is to go back to 160-163. My weight right before leaving the Military. I can't wait! I'm already wearing size 32 pants.
Friday, June 01, 2007
I See You Toners...
Could it be? In his page he states that he's not with "Him" anymore. I'm not going to lie, I'm so happy for Toners. Is this finally IT? Has he cut the cord permanently? It does look like the real thing. He's already looking so much better than when I last saw him. Handsome as ever. I am quite sure he's going to find someone more worthy of his love. I wish him the best. Truly.
Although, I felt bad upon reading his blog to find out that he's been in the hospital. If I had known, I would have been there. Forget that I said I was not going to ever talk to him unless he's sober. I'm just glad that he's healthier. After reading the first few paragraphs, it gave me quite a scare. I'm such a dumbass. I'm sorry.
Toners, you're on the right track. Just keep in mind that all (AND I DO MEAN ALL) of your friends, even the ones that you think have given up on you, will be there IF EVER YOU CALL.
Although, I felt bad upon reading his blog to find out that he's been in the hospital. If I had known, I would have been there. Forget that I said I was not going to ever talk to him unless he's sober. I'm just glad that he's healthier. After reading the first few paragraphs, it gave me quite a scare. I'm such a dumbass. I'm sorry.
Toners, you're on the right track. Just keep in mind that all (AND I DO MEAN ALL) of your friends, even the ones that you think have given up on you, will be there IF EVER YOU CALL.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Night of Potential(s)...
I guess it's bound to happen sooner or later. I got two numbers tonight. One I would not count as surprising since I've known him for more than 6 years. But the other, now that's something.
The day started out slow. Woke up very late. Did some chores. Worked out. Then went out to meet some friends who were visiting from Long Beach. I didn't get there until 12:30. Exchanged pleasantries and immediately find out that my friend is trying to hook me up with this guy. I'm shy. So embarrassed that my friend was doing his impression of cupid. What the heck? I tried to be coy. Smiling every now and then. I pretty much ignored him. I mean, what if he didn't like me and was just trying to be all nice about it with my friend? Better be the one acting all nonchalant. Oh well, I didn't go out to meet some guy. I'm actually there to meet friends.
Anyway, by the end of the night, he came by and gave me his number. I wasn't expecting it. I could imagine how much courage he had to muster, trying to decide how to approach me. I have to give him points, he got some balls. Not to mention making my night much better than normal. I would definitely call him sometime this week.
Thanks Danners!
The day started out slow. Woke up very late. Did some chores. Worked out. Then went out to meet some friends who were visiting from Long Beach. I didn't get there until 12:30. Exchanged pleasantries and immediately find out that my friend is trying to hook me up with this guy. I'm shy. So embarrassed that my friend was doing his impression of cupid. What the heck? I tried to be coy. Smiling every now and then. I pretty much ignored him. I mean, what if he didn't like me and was just trying to be all nice about it with my friend? Better be the one acting all nonchalant. Oh well, I didn't go out to meet some guy. I'm actually there to meet friends.
Anyway, by the end of the night, he came by and gave me his number. I wasn't expecting it. I could imagine how much courage he had to muster, trying to decide how to approach me. I have to give him points, he got some balls. Not to mention making my night much better than normal. I would definitely call him sometime this week.
Thanks Danners!
Monday, March 26, 2007
A LETTER TO ANTHONY GOMEZ
Yo Tony!
I know you're back in Stockton, so you can stop pretending that you're in San Diego. Five freaking days! You lasted only five freaking days! What the fuck? I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this time things are different. Maybe this time you've finally understood what we (your family and friends) have been trying to tell you. SOBER THE FUCKING HELL UP and GET YOUR LIFE BACK IN ORDER!
I was happy when I saw you on my Birthday. FUCK! I was happier when you told me that you're going to San Diego, to live with your cousin so you could start a new. I WAS ECSTATIC. Finally, you would live your life to the fullest and not get bogged down by that shit you so crave. Where was the Tony that I fell in love with? What happened to him? I understand that everybody changes in time. I understand that you could never be that same guy again. I understand why you flaked that day. I understand that you love him more. I understand that you hate me for not calling you. I understand why you came back.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW YOU KEEP DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR FRIENDS?
Open your fucking eyes! If you think he loves you, he would not let you fucking ruin your life. Jeopardizing your health. He wouldn't let anything, and I mean anything, that would hollow out your whole being. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! HE JUST WANTS A COMPANION! SOMEONE TO JOIN HIM WHILE HE'S ROTTING IN HIS MISERABLE LIFE! That's why he's making sure you're hooked forever!
You know what? FUCK YOU FOR LETTING ME BELIEVE ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE SAID! FUCK YOU FOR HAVING ME WORRY OVER YOUR FUCKING HEALTH! FUCK YOU FOR GOING BACK TO HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN! FUCK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT THIS WILL NEVER GET IN YOUR HEAD! FUCK YOU FOR CHOOSING HIM! FUCK YOU FOR DANIEL, JODI, LAURA, STEPHANIE, NORM, MATT, MELODY, JILL, YOUR FAMILY, AND EVERYBODY ELSE THAT HOLD YOU SO DEAR! AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I STILL CARE FOR YOU!
Please get help. I'm begging you. I don't know how much more of this we could take.
Just call me when you're sober,
Jake
I know you're back in Stockton, so you can stop pretending that you're in San Diego. Five freaking days! You lasted only five freaking days! What the fuck? I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this time things are different. Maybe this time you've finally understood what we (your family and friends) have been trying to tell you. SOBER THE FUCKING HELL UP and GET YOUR LIFE BACK IN ORDER!
I was happy when I saw you on my Birthday. FUCK! I was happier when you told me that you're going to San Diego, to live with your cousin so you could start a new. I WAS ECSTATIC. Finally, you would live your life to the fullest and not get bogged down by that shit you so crave. Where was the Tony that I fell in love with? What happened to him? I understand that everybody changes in time. I understand that you could never be that same guy again. I understand why you flaked that day. I understand that you love him more. I understand that you hate me for not calling you. I understand why you came back.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW YOU KEEP DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR FRIENDS?
Open your fucking eyes! If you think he loves you, he would not let you fucking ruin your life. Jeopardizing your health. He wouldn't let anything, and I mean anything, that would hollow out your whole being. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! HE JUST WANTS A COMPANION! SOMEONE TO JOIN HIM WHILE HE'S ROTTING IN HIS MISERABLE LIFE! That's why he's making sure you're hooked forever!
You know what? FUCK YOU FOR LETTING ME BELIEVE ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE SAID! FUCK YOU FOR HAVING ME WORRY OVER YOUR FUCKING HEALTH! FUCK YOU FOR GOING BACK TO HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN! FUCK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT THIS WILL NEVER GET IN YOUR HEAD! FUCK YOU FOR CHOOSING HIM! FUCK YOU FOR DANIEL, JODI, LAURA, STEPHANIE, NORM, MATT, MELODY, JILL, YOUR FAMILY, AND EVERYBODY ELSE THAT HOLD YOU SO DEAR! AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I STILL CARE FOR YOU!
Please get help. I'm begging you. I don't know how much more of this we could take.
Just call me when you're sober,
Jake
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Porn Connections
Ya, definitely got your attention. Not me mind you. Oh, it's not that I abhor anything porn. Quite the opposite. I love porn. I'm not just porn quality material. Probably the home video kind, one you would surely hope to not get leaked out! There's probably a video of me there somewhere floating around. The security-video-grainy kind thing. But that's another story. I'm here to write about my Porn Connections. Nothing juicy, just matter of fact.
PORN CONNECTION #1
When I was in the Army, while stationed in Fort Bragg, NC. I used to know this guy. He's airborn, gung-ho. And more importantly a big HO! I used to run into him at the local gay bar as well as in Raleigh. He's definitely cute and charming. Blond hair. Fucking nice body. And a winning smile. A year after I got out did I finally get to realize how much of a HO he was when I stumbled upon a video he did for Active Duty. No, not the one that was just a few years old. It was back in 1998-99. The first time Fort Bragg was shocked to learn that some of it's Airborn guys are practicing homos and getting paid for it. Yeah, they're delusional!
PORN CONNECTION #2
Again, while in the Army, I used to frequently "hang-out" (he was not a fuck buddy, although we have messed around quite a bit) with this guy who models hair. He wasn't extraordinary in the looks department but something about him made him extra special. This guy gets laid practically everyday. I know because the times that I go over to his house to "hang out", guys would be dropping in or just leaving. And pretty much confirmed by his roommate. Anyway, he gave great head. He has to because he moonlighted as a fluffer.
PORN CONNECTION #3
My ex-roommate's boyfriend (who won a wet briefs contest in San Fran) used to hang out with drag queens, knows Sister Roma, and other members of the porn industry. He has mentioned on several occasion how big of a nelly Michael Brandon really is, not to mention a good guy. And has promised to take me to a mansion somewhere north of San Fran, where the hot porn and non-porn guys hang out to chill clad with nothing more than a speedo/trunks. Ya, I am so there!
PORN CONNECTION #4
A female great friend of mine is currently dating/living with this great guy who used to work for Hot House. Not as a model (although, I have teased him plenty of times that he looked like Jeff Palmer) but tweaked their website. I think he even mentioned that he was the one that did the opening credits for the film Skuff or was it SHOCKER (I'm not even sure if Shocker was for Hot House). I can't remember. But he too constantly asks if I wanted to meet any of the guys. I refused. I didn't believe him at first. He's straight and bulgarian. I thought maybe he didn't know what he was saying, or the least, I didn't know what he was saying (thick accent). Until last year @ San Fran, he was stopped by Dick Wolfe and had a quick chat. He also knows Sister Roma. And tells me that Alex Collack has constantly made fun of him for developing a tiny pooch (beer belly). Which made my friend start going back to the gym.
PORN CONNECTION #5
And currently just realized... I used to talk to this guy who I just found out did porn. No he didn't do porn while I was talking to him. It was after. Am not entirely surprised. He is good looking and charming. I'm not saying that anyone who is charming and good looking is going to end up doing porn, he just had the persona. And the dick. He had one of the nicest cocks I have ever laid my mouth on. Twice. But he was a slut. He was "talking" to four other guys. As luck would have it, we live in a small town and as the weeks progressed, one by one I learned of them. I wasn't mad. We weren't dating. No talks of exclusivity. In fact, I don't ever recall asking him if he was seeing other guys. The thing that broke the deal for me was when I caught him in a lip-lock with one of my friends. Nope, not surprised at all. Now, if I can only get a hold of the video!
PORN CONNECTION #1
When I was in the Army, while stationed in Fort Bragg, NC. I used to know this guy. He's airborn, gung-ho. And more importantly a big HO! I used to run into him at the local gay bar as well as in Raleigh. He's definitely cute and charming. Blond hair. Fucking nice body. And a winning smile. A year after I got out did I finally get to realize how much of a HO he was when I stumbled upon a video he did for Active Duty. No, not the one that was just a few years old. It was back in 1998-99. The first time Fort Bragg was shocked to learn that some of it's Airborn guys are practicing homos and getting paid for it. Yeah, they're delusional!
PORN CONNECTION #2
Again, while in the Army, I used to frequently "hang-out" (he was not a fuck buddy, although we have messed around quite a bit) with this guy who models hair. He wasn't extraordinary in the looks department but something about him made him extra special. This guy gets laid practically everyday. I know because the times that I go over to his house to "hang out", guys would be dropping in or just leaving. And pretty much confirmed by his roommate. Anyway, he gave great head. He has to because he moonlighted as a fluffer.
PORN CONNECTION #3
My ex-roommate's boyfriend (who won a wet briefs contest in San Fran) used to hang out with drag queens, knows Sister Roma, and other members of the porn industry. He has mentioned on several occasion how big of a nelly Michael Brandon really is, not to mention a good guy. And has promised to take me to a mansion somewhere north of San Fran, where the hot porn and non-porn guys hang out to chill clad with nothing more than a speedo/trunks. Ya, I am so there!
PORN CONNECTION #4
A female great friend of mine is currently dating/living with this great guy who used to work for Hot House. Not as a model (although, I have teased him plenty of times that he looked like Jeff Palmer) but tweaked their website. I think he even mentioned that he was the one that did the opening credits for the film Skuff or was it SHOCKER (I'm not even sure if Shocker was for Hot House). I can't remember. But he too constantly asks if I wanted to meet any of the guys. I refused. I didn't believe him at first. He's straight and bulgarian. I thought maybe he didn't know what he was saying, or the least, I didn't know what he was saying (thick accent). Until last year @ San Fran, he was stopped by Dick Wolfe and had a quick chat. He also knows Sister Roma. And tells me that Alex Collack has constantly made fun of him for developing a tiny pooch (beer belly). Which made my friend start going back to the gym.
PORN CONNECTION #5
And currently just realized... I used to talk to this guy who I just found out did porn. No he didn't do porn while I was talking to him. It was after. Am not entirely surprised. He is good looking and charming. I'm not saying that anyone who is charming and good looking is going to end up doing porn, he just had the persona. And the dick. He had one of the nicest cocks I have ever laid my mouth on. Twice. But he was a slut. He was "talking" to four other guys. As luck would have it, we live in a small town and as the weeks progressed, one by one I learned of them. I wasn't mad. We weren't dating. No talks of exclusivity. In fact, I don't ever recall asking him if he was seeing other guys. The thing that broke the deal for me was when I caught him in a lip-lock with one of my friends. Nope, not surprised at all. Now, if I can only get a hold of the video!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Downhill from Here
| Your Birthdate: February 8 |
 Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money. You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet. A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job. Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss. Your strength: Your undying determination Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle Your power color: Plum Your power symbol: Dollar sign Your power month: August |
OK, I'm 30. I am now in a different age group. Here goes...
Update: I bought a new car (another SUV). I got a new phone (Blackberry Pearl!). Still have not move to Sacramento! But that's in the works. I'm going to San Francisco this weekend to celebrate. Still yet to find Mr. Chess. Dog gone it!
Monday, December 18, 2006
Been Busy!
It's almost Christmas and I have yet to post something this month! As you may know, I just started a new job with the State. Commuting to and from work is just nuts and it's draining so much of my energy. I just want to pass out whenever I get home! No worries... I'm in the process of searching for a place in Sac!
There are 3 possible locations. All of them around downtown or midtown. Nice places. I actually drove by the area and I'm loving it so far. Now, if I could just get my butt to call the agency/managers so they could give me a tour of the place.
Will update when possible.
There are 3 possible locations. All of them around downtown or midtown. Nice places. I actually drove by the area and I'm loving it so far. Now, if I could just get my butt to call the agency/managers so they could give me a tour of the place.
Will update when possible.
Monday, November 20, 2006
First Day @ New Job!!!
I was so excited that I couldn't go to sleep. Left the house @ 0545 to go get coffee. Left Lodi @ 0600, thinking I would hit mad traffic. I didn't. So I ended up arriving @ my new workplace an hour and a half early!
There I was in the parking lot, shaking like an addict in rehab (drank 5 shots worth of espresso) listening to the radio blasting in my car.
Anyway, got the tour of the office (building really), met practically everyone, read the SOP (standard operating procedures) manual, observed, took a break, called past co-workers, observed some more, ate lunch, filled out HR stuff, worked on my own for a bit, and left @ 1710.
Wow! The day went by so fast! And let me tell y'all, besides the legal jargon that made my head spin for awhile there, I actually think I'm going to like this place!
Oh, did I mention that I've already spotted 3 eye candies!
There I was in the parking lot, shaking like an addict in rehab (drank 5 shots worth of espresso) listening to the radio blasting in my car.
Anyway, got the tour of the office (building really), met practically everyone, read the SOP (standard operating procedures) manual, observed, took a break, called past co-workers, observed some more, ate lunch, filled out HR stuff, worked on my own for a bit, and left @ 1710.
Wow! The day went by so fast! And let me tell y'all, besides the legal jargon that made my head spin for awhile there, I actually think I'm going to like this place!
Oh, did I mention that I've already spotted 3 eye candies!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Hello Sacramento!
"Doors will be opening for you in many areas of your life."
--fortune cookie, 7 Nov 06
I got a tentative offer last Thursday. Meaning they were only waiting for the final ok/signature by the HR people. I was told that I was to get a call that same day or the next.
I was so excited that on Friday, I tendered by resignation even if I haven't gotten the final call. I never did.
I was so nervous the whole weekend.
Monday came and went. Nada! I was down and feeling sick to my stomach.
Tuesday. I got so anxious that I broke down and called the person. No answer. Transferred to his voicemail. Left a message. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Thinking that maybe the offer was rescinded, I decided then and there that I will not take back my letter of resignation. It would look so dumb on my part. Fuck it. Went to lunch and stuffed my face.
I GOT THE JOB!
Two hours after returning from lunch, the person called me apologizing for his tardy reply. Stating that Friday was a bad day for HR and asked when I will be able to start work.
YAY! So here I am Sacramento!
--fortune cookie, 7 Nov 06
I got a tentative offer last Thursday. Meaning they were only waiting for the final ok/signature by the HR people. I was told that I was to get a call that same day or the next.
I was so excited that on Friday, I tendered by resignation even if I haven't gotten the final call. I never did.
I was so nervous the whole weekend.
Monday came and went. Nada! I was down and feeling sick to my stomach.
Tuesday. I got so anxious that I broke down and called the person. No answer. Transferred to his voicemail. Left a message. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Thinking that maybe the offer was rescinded, I decided then and there that I will not take back my letter of resignation. It would look so dumb on my part. Fuck it. Went to lunch and stuffed my face.
I GOT THE JOB!
Two hours after returning from lunch, the person called me apologizing for his tardy reply. Stating that Friday was a bad day for HR and asked when I will be able to start work.
YAY! So here I am Sacramento!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Amends
It seems like the last guy I dated and myself are back to friendly terms. He has finally met his Mr. Chess and I am very happy for him. We're in such good terms that he has invited me to be a friend on 'their' myspace page.
I hesitated, of course, given the way how our relationship had ended. But seeing how both of them looked very happy and content, I had to oblige. I clicked 'approve'.
So 'R'... You really do deserve the best and his name is 'M'. May all your UPS and DOWNS be solely in the bedroom.
Always,
'J'
I hesitated, of course, given the way how our relationship had ended. But seeing how both of them looked very happy and content, I had to oblige. I clicked 'approve'.
So 'R'... You really do deserve the best and his name is 'M'. May all your UPS and DOWNS be solely in the bedroom.
Always,
'J'
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Insert Foot
Well, I'm sure you're dying to know. About the job interview.
Short story: The ditsiest moment of my life.
Long story:
7:15. Woke up. Had plenty of time to shower, shave, piss, iron clothes, get dressed, and put goo in hair. Left Stockton around 8am. That's good right? Plenty of time, I thought. It usually took me 45 minutes to get to downtown Sacramento. Yeah, an hour sounds plausible. Nope, it took me more than an hour to get to my destination! I was getting nervous while driving through Laguna Blvd when all of a sudden the traffic slowed. Heck at one point, I was going 3 miles/hour!
Knowing I was going to be fucking late, I called the office where the interview was being held. I told them my name and was put immediately on hold. A few seconds later, the lady asked what was the purpose of my call. Again, I was put on hold. She asked for the interviewer's name, which was never given to me. This resulted with me being transferred several times. Nobody seemed to know. I'm thinking, "Great!" When the lady (I think she moonlights as Mrs. Obvious) pronounced she couldn't help me but suggests to get there fast. Sure! Let me get off the phone with you so I can open up my window and scream like a banshee with the hopes of the drivers ahead, mistaking me for an ambulance, would graciously part to each side of the freeway and let me through. Yeah, I'm fucked!
9:07. Good, I'm not too late. Not so fast. In my state of haste, it dawned on me that I had parked 5 blocks away! I thought about going back to my car, which was parked 7 floors up. Instead, I hauled ass! I was like a mad man. Dodging other people and jumping over obstacles, all the while expressing my apologies. I think I even said sorry to an empty park bench. After giving one driver one lone finger, the bitch almost clipped me, I stood where 'X' marked the spot. Showed my ID, rode the elevator. Checked my reflection. Not as crisp but not disheveled. Door opens. Sure enough, I got off the wrong floor.
9:37. Eventually found the right room and somehow had my interview re-scheduled 2 hours later.
11:17. The girl in the front desk asks if I was back for the interview (Mrs. Obvious turned out to be Ms. Duh). Fearing I might say something 'like, so rude', I nodded with agreement. Gave me three papers, each describing three different job duties. Instructed me to sit on a chair, read the job descriptions, wait to be called, and left by wishing me good luck. Hearing her say those words just made me feel guilty for the sarcastic words I meant to say to her and glad that I didn't.
11:27. I heard voices eminating from a door a few feet to my right. They were laughing. The door opens and a cute petite girl wearing a black angora sweater over a white collared shirt and khaki pants exits. Followed by a guy in a blue buttoned-up shirt, necktie, and dark pleated pants. The guy gave the girl directions on how to get to the elevator. Girl started walking, guy follows with his eyes firmly planted to her ass. Goes back inside. My heart sank and began thinking of a way to let them forget about her.
11:32. I got called in the room. It so happens that there were three people doing the interview. You could imagine my nervousness. Crap. Each one introduced themselves and their respective departments. Sounded very interesting. I could have understood more if it weren't the fact that the guy to my left had such beautiful blue green eyes. Yeah, the one that was staring the last interviewee's ass. I couldn't concentrate. Everytime he spoke, I looked directly into his eyes. And each time, I felt a little flushed. I could imagine the sight of me turning red. The interview was going well, I thought. Until the guy asked what was one of my weakness in my current employment. It went downhill from there.
Weakness. For crying out loud! I knew that one was coming. I even had a prepared statement for such a question. Battle ready, I would have said, "I am my own worse critic. I am never satisfied with my work no matter how everyone else perceives it as a job well done. I would always think up of better ways of doing things." But I never said any of those words. Immediately, I blanked out. I couldn't think of anything. Why now? Stop thinking about those damn eyes!
In my panic, all I said was, "Ummm, I don't know. Let me think..." DANGER WILL ROBINSON! "Ummm... Sta-ta-sta-Stapling?" HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM! "I really don't know!" The last came out almost like a whine.
Yeah, I'm screwed. I couldn't even begin to imagine what were going through their heads when they heard me say STAPLING!. I am such an idiot! It was such a traumatic experience that I couldn't remember what was said nor asked after. Except when returning to my car did I finally let out a scream.
Ugh!
Short story: The ditsiest moment of my life.
Long story:
7:15. Woke up. Had plenty of time to shower, shave, piss, iron clothes, get dressed, and put goo in hair. Left Stockton around 8am. That's good right? Plenty of time, I thought. It usually took me 45 minutes to get to downtown Sacramento. Yeah, an hour sounds plausible. Nope, it took me more than an hour to get to my destination! I was getting nervous while driving through Laguna Blvd when all of a sudden the traffic slowed. Heck at one point, I was going 3 miles/hour!
Knowing I was going to be fucking late, I called the office where the interview was being held. I told them my name and was put immediately on hold. A few seconds later, the lady asked what was the purpose of my call. Again, I was put on hold. She asked for the interviewer's name, which was never given to me. This resulted with me being transferred several times. Nobody seemed to know. I'm thinking, "Great!" When the lady (I think she moonlights as Mrs. Obvious) pronounced she couldn't help me but suggests to get there fast. Sure! Let me get off the phone with you so I can open up my window and scream like a banshee with the hopes of the drivers ahead, mistaking me for an ambulance, would graciously part to each side of the freeway and let me through. Yeah, I'm fucked!
9:07. Good, I'm not too late. Not so fast. In my state of haste, it dawned on me that I had parked 5 blocks away! I thought about going back to my car, which was parked 7 floors up. Instead, I hauled ass! I was like a mad man. Dodging other people and jumping over obstacles, all the while expressing my apologies. I think I even said sorry to an empty park bench. After giving one driver one lone finger, the bitch almost clipped me, I stood where 'X' marked the spot. Showed my ID, rode the elevator. Checked my reflection. Not as crisp but not disheveled. Door opens. Sure enough, I got off the wrong floor.
9:37. Eventually found the right room and somehow had my interview re-scheduled 2 hours later.
11:17. The girl in the front desk asks if I was back for the interview (Mrs. Obvious turned out to be Ms. Duh). Fearing I might say something 'like, so rude', I nodded with agreement. Gave me three papers, each describing three different job duties. Instructed me to sit on a chair, read the job descriptions, wait to be called, and left by wishing me good luck. Hearing her say those words just made me feel guilty for the sarcastic words I meant to say to her and glad that I didn't.
11:27. I heard voices eminating from a door a few feet to my right. They were laughing. The door opens and a cute petite girl wearing a black angora sweater over a white collared shirt and khaki pants exits. Followed by a guy in a blue buttoned-up shirt, necktie, and dark pleated pants. The guy gave the girl directions on how to get to the elevator. Girl started walking, guy follows with his eyes firmly planted to her ass. Goes back inside. My heart sank and began thinking of a way to let them forget about her.
11:32. I got called in the room. It so happens that there were three people doing the interview. You could imagine my nervousness. Crap. Each one introduced themselves and their respective departments. Sounded very interesting. I could have understood more if it weren't the fact that the guy to my left had such beautiful blue green eyes. Yeah, the one that was staring the last interviewee's ass. I couldn't concentrate. Everytime he spoke, I looked directly into his eyes. And each time, I felt a little flushed. I could imagine the sight of me turning red. The interview was going well, I thought. Until the guy asked what was one of my weakness in my current employment. It went downhill from there.
Weakness. For crying out loud! I knew that one was coming. I even had a prepared statement for such a question. Battle ready, I would have said, "I am my own worse critic. I am never satisfied with my work no matter how everyone else perceives it as a job well done. I would always think up of better ways of doing things." But I never said any of those words. Immediately, I blanked out. I couldn't think of anything. Why now? Stop thinking about those damn eyes!
In my panic, all I said was, "Ummm, I don't know. Let me think..." DANGER WILL ROBINSON! "Ummm... Sta-ta-sta-Stapling?" HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM! "I really don't know!" The last came out almost like a whine.
Yeah, I'm screwed. I couldn't even begin to imagine what were going through their heads when they heard me say STAPLING!. I am such an idiot! It was such a traumatic experience that I couldn't remember what was said nor asked after. Except when returning to my car did I finally let out a scream.
Ugh!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Can't Sleep
It's 1:27am... And I'm still awake! It's one of those days that I should be sleeping. I can't help it. I'm too excited and nervous at the same time!
I have an interview tomorrow. Wait! I meant TODAY! In a few hours! I have to wake up at 7am. At least, so I can prepare. Not to mention that I'm on the verge of getting sick. Yeah, I could feel it coming. Heck, my nose is starting to clog up, my sinuses are acting up, I feel sluggish, and I'm warm to the touch. Needless to say, I'm pretty much fucked!
Oh well. I just hope my snot doesn't start dripping down my nose as I'm about to say something impressive.
Note to self: Bring hanky!!!
I have an interview tomorrow. Wait! I meant TODAY! In a few hours! I have to wake up at 7am. At least, so I can prepare. Not to mention that I'm on the verge of getting sick. Yeah, I could feel it coming. Heck, my nose is starting to clog up, my sinuses are acting up, I feel sluggish, and I'm warm to the touch. Needless to say, I'm pretty much fucked!
Oh well. I just hope my snot doesn't start dripping down my nose as I'm about to say something impressive.
Note to self: Bring hanky!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
6 years later...
The last serious relationship I had was over six years ago. Brad, that was his name. I was 23, he was 46. I was madly in love with him. He filled something in me that was missing. I really thought he was the one. I didn't care that he was twice my age. I could give a fuck. He made me happy. He was the first one that made me realize a long term relationship was feasible. He was the reason why I stopped fucking around. He made me believe in monogamy. He changed my life forever.
It didn't last.
I found out he was cheating on me. Another Filipino guy. Apparently, he was a co-worker of his. To make matter worse, I ended up working with the guy.
One day, during lunch, I decided to go to Wendy's. Was walking up to the door, when I saw my new co-worker sitting by the glass wall a few feet from the entrance. I waved to him. Realizing that he wasn't alone, his lunchmate turned to look at me. It was Brad.
My heart fell to my stomach. I no longer felt hungry. But I was not about to show Brad how devastating the situation was for me. I opened the door and willed myself in the restaurant. My whole body was shaking that I had to grip the railing to keep me still. Upon receiving my order, I used up every once of determination not to go to their table or I might make a scene. I waited until I was at a red light before I let a tear come out.
At work, Mel asked me how I knew the guy he was with during lunch. I feigned innocence but then he told me that Brad told him. Not being able to get out of the situation, I told him that we were in a relationship. That we've broken up a few months ago. Mel, not fully aware, confirmed what I realized the moment I saw them. He was the other Filipino guy. He said that they started dating at such and such date. When they were both working at a feed store. Mel was a clerk, Brad was in accounting/finance.
I never told Mel that I was already in a 6 months relationship with Brad when they first met/dated. I was in too much of a shock. It's one thing to know that your boyfriend cheated on you, but to actually meet the other person? I wanted to tell him. I wanted to let him know that he's the fucking reason why I was fucking pissed at the world. But it would be unfair to solely put the blame on him. I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he never knew about me.
I often wonder what else Brad told him.
Five years later, I get in contact with the person who introduced me to Brad. Matt, he's a well-mannered, nice, pleasant, educated, and with good intentions kind of guy. I never was attracted to the guy. He's just someone that I had the chance to meet at a gay bar. It's a little disappointing that he didn't remember me. I kept driving the fact that he introduced me to Brad. When all of a sudden he remembers. He said, "Yeah, now I remember. Yep, you were dating Brad."
As an afterthought he added, "About the same time as Jonathan. This black dude that he was seeing. About the same time as you."
I know he didn't mean to be so callous. A person tend to spill everything out upon recollection of old memories stashed away. Like when you're in the closet trying to get that damn shirt you know you put away in the top shelf. When you pull it out, everything else comes crashing down.
No, he didn't mean to let it all out. It shouldn't bother me anyway. It's been six years!
So we casually talked about what we're doing. Mainly, what he's been up to these past few years. No, he hasn't heard from Brad for awhile now. We even decided to go to a movie and catch up. And so it is, we're going to the movies on Saturday. We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
Then I cried.
It didn't last.
I found out he was cheating on me. Another Filipino guy. Apparently, he was a co-worker of his. To make matter worse, I ended up working with the guy.
One day, during lunch, I decided to go to Wendy's. Was walking up to the door, when I saw my new co-worker sitting by the glass wall a few feet from the entrance. I waved to him. Realizing that he wasn't alone, his lunchmate turned to look at me. It was Brad.
My heart fell to my stomach. I no longer felt hungry. But I was not about to show Brad how devastating the situation was for me. I opened the door and willed myself in the restaurant. My whole body was shaking that I had to grip the railing to keep me still. Upon receiving my order, I used up every once of determination not to go to their table or I might make a scene. I waited until I was at a red light before I let a tear come out.
At work, Mel asked me how I knew the guy he was with during lunch. I feigned innocence but then he told me that Brad told him. Not being able to get out of the situation, I told him that we were in a relationship. That we've broken up a few months ago. Mel, not fully aware, confirmed what I realized the moment I saw them. He was the other Filipino guy. He said that they started dating at such and such date. When they were both working at a feed store. Mel was a clerk, Brad was in accounting/finance.
I never told Mel that I was already in a 6 months relationship with Brad when they first met/dated. I was in too much of a shock. It's one thing to know that your boyfriend cheated on you, but to actually meet the other person? I wanted to tell him. I wanted to let him know that he's the fucking reason why I was fucking pissed at the world. But it would be unfair to solely put the blame on him. I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he never knew about me.
I often wonder what else Brad told him.
Five years later, I get in contact with the person who introduced me to Brad. Matt, he's a well-mannered, nice, pleasant, educated, and with good intentions kind of guy. I never was attracted to the guy. He's just someone that I had the chance to meet at a gay bar. It's a little disappointing that he didn't remember me. I kept driving the fact that he introduced me to Brad. When all of a sudden he remembers. He said, "Yeah, now I remember. Yep, you were dating Brad."
As an afterthought he added, "About the same time as Jonathan. This black dude that he was seeing. About the same time as you."
I know he didn't mean to be so callous. A person tend to spill everything out upon recollection of old memories stashed away. Like when you're in the closet trying to get that damn shirt you know you put away in the top shelf. When you pull it out, everything else comes crashing down.
No, he didn't mean to let it all out. It shouldn't bother me anyway. It's been six years!
So we casually talked about what we're doing. Mainly, what he's been up to these past few years. No, he hasn't heard from Brad for awhile now. We even decided to go to a movie and catch up. And so it is, we're going to the movies on Saturday. We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.
Then I cried.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Maybe Sometimes, You Got It Wrong, But It's All Right...
Corinne Bailey Rae
I love this song, her voice, her beauty. Gosh, she's so awesome.
My Theme Song for the moment.
I love this song, her voice, her beauty. Gosh, she's so awesome.
My Theme Song for the moment.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Myheritage.com Thinks I Should Be A Drag Queen!
Well, I came across one of my friends (Kevin) friend's myspace profile and saw a collage of celebrities he looked like. It looked fun. Who doesn't want to see who they looked like? I submitted one of my photos. Here are the results:
Apparently, I my face is more feminine-like. What the fuck! 6 out of 8 faces were of women! And the males? Corey Feldman? Ugh! And who is this Vytautas Landsbergis? Well, he's Lithuanian for one. And more from here. Like you care. One thing's for sure, if indeed I dress up in drag one of this days, I would be fuckable! Imagine looking like Lucy Liu (hmmm), Janeane Garofalo (not when she's a blonde, lay off the bleach!), or Queen Latifah (before the breast reduction of course)! Maybe it's a mistake.
So I tried another photo:
Kevin Mitnick (yeah another one)? Nathan Lane (So gay!)? Macaulay Culkin? Argh! Yet still, majority of the faces are females! 5 out of 8!!!!! Still hot as a chick though. I'm not yet convinced! I'm still thinking it's a fluke.
So I sent in another one:
HALLELUJAH! I'll take it! 59% Viggo Mortensen! 48% Brad Pitt! 52% Jamie Cullum! And the proverbial pussy in the batch, 48% Diane Keaton! Line up y'all! I'll start practicing my autograph from here on!
Apparently, I my face is more feminine-like. What the fuck! 6 out of 8 faces were of women! And the males? Corey Feldman? Ugh! And who is this Vytautas Landsbergis? Well, he's Lithuanian for one. And more from here. Like you care. One thing's for sure, if indeed I dress up in drag one of this days, I would be fuckable! Imagine looking like Lucy Liu (hmmm), Janeane Garofalo (not when she's a blonde, lay off the bleach!), or Queen Latifah (before the breast reduction of course)! Maybe it's a mistake.
So I tried another photo:
Kevin Mitnick (yeah another one)? Nathan Lane (So gay!)? Macaulay Culkin? Argh! Yet still, majority of the faces are females! 5 out of 8!!!!! Still hot as a chick though. I'm not yet convinced! I'm still thinking it's a fluke.
So I sent in another one:
HALLELUJAH! I'll take it! 59% Viggo Mortensen! 48% Brad Pitt! 52% Jamie Cullum! And the proverbial pussy in the batch, 48% Diane Keaton! Line up y'all! I'll start practicing my autograph from here on!
Monday, September 25, 2006
Dedicated to "R"
"Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
What you see's not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
No way to tell what's real from what isn't there
Your eyes they sparkle
That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain
You washed away the best of me
You don't care
You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today
You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hit and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone
What you see's not what you get
What you see's not what you get
You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone
Already gone
I'm gone
P.S. Stop calling!
What you see's not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
No way to tell what's real from what isn't there
Your eyes they sparkle
That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain
You washed away the best of me
You don't care
You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today
You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hit and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone
What you see's not what you get
What you see's not what you get
You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone
Already gone
I'm gone
P.S. Stop calling!
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